Are You Getting What You Want Out of Life?

Freda Mooncotch member for 1 year 20 weeks Send a message

It is Monday morning as I sit staring at my computer trying to figure out what task I am going to tackle first. We have suddenly become very busy and disorganized. From the Susan G. Komen run to the PINK Magazine national conference series our office looks more like a storage facility then a media company!

This past weekend I spent the entire weekend with my family. I miss them. Lately, we all seem to be incredibly busy. I love hanging out with my mom and dad and just talking. Talking about life, business, faith, health and dreams. I talk to my parents about everything. I draw so much strength and wisdom from my parents and their experiences. I love listening to my dad tell his childhood stories and the things he went through and did. I am blown away. He was driving by the time he was 12, got a ticket for being overweight and was fined $5.00. His family was to poor to pay the fine so he had to go to jail for 5 days. Luckily his grandpa was very good friends with the judge and he spent those 5 days working for the judge's wife and sleeping in the jail cell at night. Can you imagine that?

I am who I am because of them. My discipline, my motivation, my drive, my eagerness to succeed is all because at some point in my life they instilled and cultivated these qualities into me. They created a desire in me to want to be the best I can be in this life and to do the most with my capabilities.

I am tough on my son because I want the same for him. I want him to have drive and motivation to use his God given talents to the best of his ability because I don't think you can be happy in life when you are going through it half-ass. Whether you are a stay at home mom or a working woman, unless you are giving it your all and are using your best capabilities and talents you walk through your life dazed and confused, like something is missing. I spent the better part of my twenties that way.....trying to figure out what my talents and capabilities were.

After reading 1vida's comment on my post about writing in her journal, it joggled my memory about a man who has been a major influence in my life. Dan Sullivan the founder of Strategic Coach and author of some of the best books I have ever read, has been one of my greatest catalysts of change who taught me How To Avoid The Gap!

About five years ago I was sitting in a conference and came across a book called "Always Increase Your Confidence - The 80% Approach." I was a perfectionist by nature and expected unrealistic things out of God, my life, relationships and more and felt like I was ALWAYS failing. I hated failing. I hated making mistakes and didn't realize that mistakes are GOOD, mistakes are NECESSARY and went about my life feeling like such a train wreck.

I don't know if this mindset was a result of the denomination we belonged to, our family beliefs, or that I was trying to control so much in my life because so much of it was out of control as a kid? I don't know but the point is that I had this horrible case of perfectionism that caused such deep depressions, sense of failure, insecurity and low self-esteem. It is amazing how many people walk through their life like this and apparently according to Carol S. Dweck in her article The Secret To Raising Smart Kids, more and more kids are suffering from perfectionism which has disastrous lifetime implications.

At first I was completely skeptical of this book after reading so many other guru's book that leave you with empty cliche's and empty pockets. But something about the book and the seeking truth and change mindset I was in made me pick up this book by Dan Sullivan and read it. I couldn't put it down. The concepts were incredibly simple. The book was so easy to read and it was basically COMMON SENSE. No gimmicks, no tricks, no walking on coals or anything of that nature but practical tools that help you over come your thoughts, fears, insecurities in order to rise to the challenges that confront you in your personal life, professional life, love life and more.

It was all about changing your view point, controlling your thoughts and seeing life through a different set of lenses. I was like a sponge absorbing every word, hungry for change, hungry to be confident, to control my own destiny, to be HAPPY!

No other book had this type of impact on me. As much as I loved reading the bible, in my pursuit of answers and faith I kept getting thrown back into perfectionism. When I read the bible I interpreted it to mean that I must be perfect so I was on the perpetual marry go round that I couldn't get off of. I was NEVER going to be perfect...EVER! For the first time, I read a book that taught me how my out look, my beliefs were keeping me depressed, unfulfilled, ungrateful, insecure with little self-esteem.

Since then I have recommended these books to every person I care about. Each book comes with a cd and some home work. You got to do the home work. You have to start with YOU before you can persuade or influence anyone else towards change. I have purchased and read and re-read every book by Dan Sullivan until the ideas sunk in. I would sit for hours and read the books to my son because the egg corn doesn't fall far from the tree and being my son he was a perfectionist as well and it brought me great pain to see this little guy constantly thinking he was a failure because he was always expecting perfection from himself.

You can't achieve perfection. Perfection is an "ideal" and like the horizon it is there to create a standard, something to work towards but as long as you focus on the idea there is no room for error, necessary changes, adaptability and it leads one to great frustration, fear, anxiety and constant state of failure. We need to judge our lives by where we have come from and not by where we are going to. If you look back to where you are today there is so much more success and triumph then if you look from where you are to where you think you need to be or what your ideal is. This little change in my mindset has saved my life, my son's life and has given us the ability to enjoy life and be truly happy and achieve success because success is based off of something more tangible instead of something that isn't.

I am so thankful and grateful for Dan's wisdom and I implore you to read his books for yourself and your children. They just might in fact give you a "fresh outlook" and change your life too! From his book, "Learning How To Avoid The Gap," to "The Gratitude Principle," to "Finding Your Unique Ability," to "The 21 Day Positive Focus" and more I highly recommend these books. When I started reading these books I was in real estate but the principles span across all industries and occupations.

This was one of the second tools I read. Are you scared about your job right now, the economy. Read this to find out how to over come your fear and what to focus on. The "Scary Times" Success Manual.