Freda Mooncotch member for 1 year 20 weeks Send a message

Last night I watched Lifetime's premier showing of the story of the infamous Coco Chanel. In fact, I watched it twice because it was so powerful. There were so many aspects of her story, her life that I related to. From her relationships to her struggle with being an independent, attractive, smart woman in business to people wanting to hold her back and telling her she was going to fail. So much of her story was relative to things that I have been through or am going through as I walk through my own story.

What is it about being a strong, independent woman going after her goals that makes her such a threat to so many people, including her own gender?  From Coco Chanel to Hillary Clinton to Sarah Palin, why are these women such a threat? I scratch my head in search of the answer to that question.

I remember a very successful, dear friend of mine said to me about this time last year, "Freda, get out of here (the burbs). You don't belong here. I listen to the way the women talk about you and they are jealous of you. You are such a threat." The rumors that were spread, the tears that were shed.....I went into a deep funk for several months. This was so hard to swallow because I liked everybody. I was always trying to reach out to people especially to women. I wanted female friends, I valued female companionship. This desire to be accepted caused me to keep a blind eye to what was happening because I wanted those friends. What I realized is that they were never my friends. Like the amazing 69 year old Tina Turner said in a recent interview regarding the key to her beauty and energy, "I surround myself with people I love and people WHO LOVE me." The part that resonated with me was the people who "love me." 

My friend knew me. He knew my character, my beliefs, what I stood for. Looking back I realize how perceptive and in tune my friend was with what was going on.  He saw something in me that I failed to see in myself. He was in the "in" crowd and wanted me to succeed and knew if I stayed where I was, I wouldn't. Unfortunately, he was right.

I left the burbs with such a heavy heart and a lot of rejection. I am no stranger to rejection and failure. But as Coco Chanel said, "It is our failures that make us successful. It is the pain and rejection that make us keep swimming up stream." I find that to be so true in my life because each time I am rejected, or I experience a major set back, I get up and I try again. 

I have to admit, the older I get the less I beat myself up over my failures and mistakes and just get up and move on. In my younger years I used to lament and dwell searching for the reason why. Now I just move on and accept it as a lesson. There isn't always a reason or an answer to life's challenges, twists and turns but one thing is for sure, beating yourself up keeps you stuck on that merry go of self pity and continuing to do what you have always done thinking you will get a different result!

Today I really try hard to see the lessons in all things. Like every other human being, it takes a lot of pain to make us change our behaviors and choices.

Ahhhh, I have experienced much rejection in my life. I am no stranger to rejection and failure. From never fitting in because I didn't want to do drugs, drink or be an idiot to my life style choices, to my husband walking out on me when I was all but two months pregnant to fend for myself to questioning my denominations foundational beliefs and religious professors on things that did not make sense to me about God and his love for mankind. Rejection and failure are a huge part of our journey and without them you learn very little. Rejection and failure are NOT your enemy. They are necessary to get to the next level. It is only through our failures and rejections that we truly learn.

I am a huge risk taker and with risk comes many opportunities for failure and rejection. Take this website for example, I have everything into this dream. My life, my house, my time, my money, all my assets, everything I worked so hard for.....................you are looking at it. I spend very little money on myself, I haven't bought bra's, underwear, jeans, shoes.........in a few years. Every penny that I make goes right back into building this dream. So many sleepless nights, tears, fear, excitement, sacrifice and ME are invested right here in AlphaWomen.com. This is my legacy. Will it succeed? Will it fail? I don't know, only time will tell. But, like Coco, I have this sense, this confidence that slowly but surely AlphaWomen.com is going places. We are going to make a difference for women and women are ready for this.

Much like Coco Chanel who wanted to liberate women from constricting clothes and allow them the freedom to move around their world in comfort AND style, I want to give women, everyday women, a place to speak their minds, to talk freely about being a woman with no restrictions, no censorship and the ability to get noticed because of her writing and passion. You don't have to be Hollywood, have degrees or credentials (although we welcome those things they aren't the foundation of what we are about) but just have a longing to write and speak about what is passionate to them.

There were so many quotes that Coco used and I wrote down many to add to my board that I look at every morning, but there is one that really stuck out in my mind, "You may think I am cynical and harsh BUT I know people, I can read people and I know when they are going to walk away. I know when they are using me."

If it is one thing I can say about myself is that I can read people. All of my life experiences have taught me to really be in tune with my gut and being able to sense what people are up to. Up until this past year, I used to be my worst critic and criticize myself in regards to my gut and what it was telling me. I constantly bypassed my gut reactions, my intuition about people and I paid dearly for this ignorance. I don't do that anymore. Although people may not understand my radar............. I do and I have learned to really trust my natural intuition about people and trust in ability to read situations. I will never claim to "know" people because you can walk with someone for a long time and still not know them. Many times we don't even really want to know people. We just want people to be who we envision them to be, who we hope them to be all the while ignoring the signs, the gut feelings, the intuition and the red flags.

If there is one thing I can pass onto people, man or woman, TRUST your gut. Trust your intuition when it comes to work, employees, relationships, strangers, people, situations because my gut has been dead on every time. It is in my moments of weakness, loneliness and or need that I bypass my gut out of fear of reality or the thought of being alone. 

One of my biggest fears is the thought of spending my life alone. Over the past six months I have come to the realization I am no longer plagued by this fear. You can be with someone and be completely alone. With so many opportunities in this world it is hard to fathom that one could be alone. I know I am not the only woman plagued by this thing called "loneliness."  But I want a lot out of my life. I have a vision. I have a dream and it is just getting started. Loneliness is a figment of my imagination and slowly but surely I am realizing I want my dream more than I want to be in a relationship. The relationship will come when it is time.............until then I have some life to live! If my love never finds me, I am going to be okay, no I am going to be more then okay, I am going to be fantastic.

Each day I get up I am excited with the opportunities that present themselves. I am excited that I have choices and options. Like Coco, I will never give up. In my last post in this series I introduced you to one of my favorite songs, "Hold Onto Me" that I listen to every day to get me going. It is my cup of coffee! I would like to share another one with you.

With 479 women owned businesses opening up across the nation on a daily basis YOU need to have little songs, quotes, poems that encourage you and keep you focused. People are going to try and bring you down, people are going to tell you that you can't possibly make it. People are going to try and stifle your dreams because if you can do it you are telling them that IT CAN BE DONE! Who are you going to let stand in the way of your dreams? As for me and my house.........No One!

This song is called Don't Give Up! by Chichane featuring Bryan Adams.

The lyrics are so simple but are very significant to me.

Don't give it up
Don't give it up

Don't worry if the sun don't shine
You've seen it before, you don't need to worry
Every day's an uphill climb, nothing has changed
Believe me when I tell ya

Don't give it up
Don't give it up

Don't give up--you know it's true
Gotta do what you wanna do
Oh yeah

Don't give it up--you don't have to
Gotta do what you wanna do
Oh yeah

What is your vision for your life? Are you living for the moment? Are you living day to day or do you have a five year, ten year vision? What are your dreams? Is fear holding you back from taking risk? Are you afraid of failure? What legacy do you want to leave behind? 

I leave you with this thought.........like Nike says, "JUST DO IT!" At the very least at the end of your life you can say "I TRIED!" Take a good look at the attached image. I love this image. What does that image mean to you in your life and current circumstances?

Quotes by Coco Chanel

xoxo,
Freda
Founder