Hello--- for a second, *I* thought *I* posted this confession bc/ this is my EXACT life. I have the IDENTICAL situation as you do... even same duration of marriage. Mine was a TOTAL emotional abuser: he never hurt ME beside pushing me, but he smashed stuff and screamed & cussed & punched things & had the WILDEST aggression you have ever seen. However!!! He has the world believing that he is Mr. Charmer Rico Suave and that *I* am completely the person who is at fault for every little thing possible. NO one sees what he is. It's VERY isolating. I lost every friend I have b/c of it; I hope you haven't. You are in my heart. Believe in YOU! Even if you are the only one doing that, YOU MUST! We can BOTh do this~