1vida member for 12 weeks 1 hour Send a message

When I woke up this morning I was ready to conquer the world. There was nothing that was going to stop me (boy was I wrong!). I’m pretty sure that even as I type this post I will surely hear “MOMMYYYYY!” Don’t get me wrong I realize that in 20 years from now I will miss hearing it. But if I hear it one more time in the next 30 seconds, I’m going to go hide under the enormous amount of laundry I have yet to do. Which leads me to why I started to write this post in the first place.
When I first decided to stop working about 3 years ago it was because it was the right decision for my family. I never intended for it to be permanent. This is the longest I’ve gone without working. But being in the retail business was taking a toll on my kids. The schedule was just too hectic. There were times where I wouldn’t see them for days because I alternated between closing and opening. Then on top of that I was taking classes to help me move up in the company. I didn’t want my kids shuffled back and fourth between day-care’s and relatives anymore. So when the opportunity came for me to stay home…I took it. Raising them in a loving, secure environment was more important to me.
Well…fast forward to the present and one more beautiful child later and I’ve finally realized that...I’m just not cut out for this. In fact now I know that I’m capable of being the mom I want to be and still fulfill my dreams.
Maybe I’m more mature now? Maybe it’s just a phase? Either way, I’m tired of spending my days worrying whether or not the house is clean, the laundry is done or even worse…what to have for dinner!!!
I never set out to be a housewife (not that there’s anything wrong with that). I can’t even relate to housewives. I’ve tried so hard to make friends. But I can’t carry a conversation about the PTA or baking cookies. I burn cookies and e-mail the school if there’s a problem. My mind is still one of a working mom. The kids are my first priority but without my happiness what kind of mother will they have? Not the kind they deserve that’s for sure. My kids know who their mom is. Now it’s time for them to meet the woman behind her. The one who taught them to always follow their heart and to be grateful for all the options they’re given everyday.
Do any other mom’s feel this way or am I being selfish…any advice?