member for 28 weeks 6 days
I am seeking some selfish happiness right now, it's all about me, me, me! Everything is so rush, rush that I do not even enjoy who I am, I do not have time to stop and catch my breathe. I do not know how to cheer myself up when I am down, there is so much I just don't know about myself. How could I not know who I am when I have been with myself for 21 years? How can I not know what I want in life; what are my goals, what do I have that guides me, who do I have that loves me, who's love is true and unselfish?
I want to explore, I want adventure, I want a girlfriend that will walk a million miles to come see me if I need her, I want to live in Europe, I want a small room in NYC for a year... I do not want something to hold me down or hold me back from the adventures that I want to take in life.
When I dream about my life I dream of adventure, unconventionalness, loving each day, living for each breath and smiling each night before bed. I know it won't be perfect but the imperfection is the adventure. As long as I can learn to rely on myself and build a life that I love, I will be happy.
My parents have always been there for me to fall back on but never supported what I wanted when I wanted to become an office in the Army. The truth is I do not know if I want to become the officer that I always wanted to be; I have a month to decide. The decision deadline is finally here and the truth is I am now finding myself backing down.
I need to learn how to say no to what is not making me happy. I need to be able to have reflection time, I need to be able to find myself, I need to accomplish my goals! I am not ready to settle, I am not ready to have a real job, I am not ready to grow-up yet. I am ready to explore, to take risks, to accomplish all my goals so I can tell my kids one day that this is a country of opportunity and you can have what ever you make possible. I do not want to lose myself in false dreams.
Comments
Login or register to post a commentWell you sound like a
Well you sound like a younger version of me! Listen, you are only 21 years old and you CAN do all those things you want to on a very small budget (with the exception of an apartment in New York City!) seriously you can though. I look at all the work exchange students here in getting experience while taking in the American culture on very small budgets. Honey, that is the easy part. The hard part is learning how to say no to the things, situations or people that don't make you happy.
You are on the right track now start planning it out.
Freda
Founder
AlphaWomen.com
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Freda you are amazing,
Freda you are amazing, really I do not know what I would do without your honest imput. I am sitting here in my Army uniform trying to decide if I want to become an army office or not, I basically have 24 days left to decide. The thing is if I become an office, i give up all those other things I wanted to do with my life...
Wow, now that is a tough
Wow, now that is a tough decision. I don't know the answer to that one. What is your gut telling you? Listen to your gut and your heart. Also, try doing a list of pro's and con's. Remember this is your life. What do you feel you are called to do? You have to get silent, real silent on the inside to hear your inner voice. Pray. I believe in prayer. God is not a magician or a genie but if you sincerely ask, He will give you an answer, then make a decision and stick with it. Don't beat yourself up over it.
You have a lot on your plate because you are deciding the rest of your life, at least for the next what.....10 years?
Freda
Founder
AlphaWomen.com
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