member for 23 weeks 6 days
This morning I got a phone call from a cousin saying she is going to visit her brother. Who happens to live 1 hour from me. She would be flying with her 3 kids and would be visiting me on the day of my son’s birthday. I was so excited because I don’t have many relatives that live nearby and she is like a sister to me. Right away I started making arrangements for a surprise birthday party for my son. Then I got a phone call once again from my cousin warning me of a possible phone call from an uncle of mine. He has a little girl who is 2 days younger than my son and my cousin is the one that is with her day in and day out. My uncle had her later in life because he had a decade long problem with addiction. But he had her with someone who has yet to kick her drug habits to the curb and now he is the only one left to care for his little girl. Which means that if my cousin is away on vacation who’s going to watch her? Which is why my cousin called me. He wanted to know if his daughter could fly down here with my cousin (who clearly wants a break from her) and have my mother and I watch his daughter. I know it sounds like no big deal but from what I’m told he’s about a month away from eviction and it’s not the first time he’s tried to get me or my mom to “stay” with her for a little while. My fear is that one-week will turn into a permanent situation. Clearly this is not a position anyone wants to be put in. I certainly don’t want to leave this little girl out on the streets but I don’t know what his daughter is like. All I know about her is that she cuts school, and her mother and father have a lot of drama going on in their life. Everyone I talk to concerning the situation has a different point of view. My husband tells me I’m being cold; my brother says-It takes a special person to take someone in like that. I’m just trying to be realistic. During the school year I have my stepson living with me and when you add my 4 boys…that’s 5 boys!!!!
My main concern is time and whether or not I will have enough of it to go around.
I know this sounds really confusing, but if you do understand my rambling...what do you think?
Comments
Login or register to post a commentI think your hesitation is completely justified.
How old is she? I can't get a feel for her age from your post, but if she's old enough to cutting school, then you could be in for a world of trouble.
A good friend of mine took in her husband's niece last year so that she could finish the school year in a better district. She was getting into a lot of trouble at her own school (in an inner-city district) and her mother was at a loss. From day one my friend regretted agreeing to the situation, but kept her word. When the school year was over, they all celebrated.
I think you have enough on your plate. I can appreciate your husband thinking you're being a bit cold, but my guess is that YOU'RE the one that deals with calls from school, missed buses in the mornings, etc. You have to look out for you and your own before you can begin to reach out to others.
Best of luck, Jasmine! It's certainly not an easy spot your find yourself in.
~feathermaye
"Drama is life with the dull bits cut out." ~Alfred Hitchcock
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She's not even 12 and is
She's not even 12 and is entering the 7th grade. My son is going to be 12 also and entering 7th grade. That sounds like a nightmare to me because I am the one who deals with "issues" relating to the kids. Two pre-teens under one roof, a toddler and I'm not even mentioning my other kids!
"Fashion is not something that exist in dresses only. Fashion is in the sky, in the street, fashion has to do with ideas, the way we live, what is happening."
-Coco Chanel
Calling...
It does sound like you would have a lot on your plate should you agree to watch her and she stays. I would discuss this with your husband and the kids before she would come for the "visit", discuss what could turn into a more permanent living arrangements. And make sure all understand what could happen that you need their support and she would be treated just like your other children in the home. If her visit does turn into a long term situation, make sure you get your ducks lined up for legal custody. And make it understood that with bad choices that may be made, there will be repercussion and accountability.
You may be just what this young lady needs in her life. 12 is a very impressionable age and it sounds like she hasn't had the best of parental guidance. This truly is one that would tug on the heart.
Keep us posted..
It makes it harder because
It makes it harder because she's family. But I know that her parents love her dearly and that also adds to the dilema because there will always be that chance that they would want her back.
I just don't want this to affect my children.
"Fashion is not something that exist in dresses only. Fashion is in the sky, in the street, fashion has to do with ideas, the way we live, what is happening."
-Coco Chanel