member for 17 weeks 3 days
I don’t know how anyone feels about their past relationships in H.S. But I don’t have a burning need to know what my ex-boyfriends are doing.
I logged into Facebook to check my messages and this is what I found in my inbox:
“Hey. This is Todd, do you remember me? We used to be in love back in high school. I was floored when I stumbled across your profile. I hope your life has turned out good for you. I just wanted to say that you truly changed my life back then and wanted to thank you for a tiny little piece of your life. I don't want to intrude into your life, I just wanted to reach out to you and touch base. I hope all is well and just want you to know that I still sometimes think about you and I'll always have some very fond memories of our past life...”
Do I think there is anything wrong about this e-mail? Well…yes and no. For starters, the e-mail was somewhat intimate (“we used to be in love”) and my profile clearly states that I am married. Remember, this was a high school romance and I haven’t seen the guy in almost 15 years. Also, after I got the email, I searched him on Facebook and couldn’t find him (just joined; to send me an email I suppose) and then on MySpace. Well, there he was on MySpace and he sure looked like he was in a committed relationship!
What do you ladies think? Should I ignore the e-mail or should I respond with a polite “I’m fine?”
Comments
Login or register to post a commentDepends on the Guy
You know this guy better than we do - and I think it would totally depend on the guy. I've gotten a few e-mails from old flames. My relationship is wonderful, my husband not at all jealous, everything nice and solid, and it's been no big deal just catching up with these people who, romantically entangled or not, were once close friends. Nobody's crossed the line, and it's been sort of neat to see where folks have ended up. A bit weird, perhaps, to see that they have kids who look JUST LIKE THEM, but that's probably to be expected, eh? So if this is someone you with whom you were once friends, and you'd like to know how they're doing, I don't see the harm in it. You'll keep it on the level, after all, and if they try to cross the line for sure then you know to shut them down.
- Jacqueline
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"Ce qui fait la nuit en nous peut laisser en nous les étoiles." ~ V. Hugo
Don't you think that if my
Don't you think that if my profile clearly stated married that his message should of been a little less detailed?
I'm not going to lie I am curious to know what he's been up to BUT...I don't feel comfortable discussing our past love.
Am I just being chidish?
"Dress shabbily, they notice the dress. Dress impeccably, they notice the woman." - Coco Chanel
> Don't you think that if my
> Don't you think that if my profile clearly stated married that his message should of been a little less detailed?
Well, see, it depends on the person. You know this guy, and know whether or not he's generally the overly sentimental sort or whether or not this is a big red flag for 'I never got over you.' It sounds to me, from reading your other comments here, that it's sending up a flag for you. And if that's the case, then no, don't reply.
- Jacqueline
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"Ce qui fait la nuit en nous peut laisser en nous les étoiles." ~ V. Hugo
Some guys..
I had a similar experience through Class mates dot com, only the guy went so far as to call my mother and get my telephone number. At first I was sooo happy to hear from him, but after a while, it got to be not so happy. He had changed so much and was a complete ass wipe who was now married and still wanted to "rekindle that old flame".
Not to judge anyone else's standards, but for me, I'm not into being "The other woman". If I can't be THE WOMAN, I ain't playing. Ya know? Now days I'm really leery about "reconnecting". I'm with Feathermay on this one, proceed as your heart desires, but do so with caution.
Cher Carter
"Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish"
CEO Carters-company.com
That's exactly why I'm a
That's exactly why I'm a little skeptical about answering him. The message seemed too intimate (In my opinion).
The idea of answering him back and finding out he too is a ass wipe...UGH
"Dress shabbily, they notice the dress. Dress impeccably, they notice the woman." - Coco Chanel
Tricky, Tricky
It could be that he is going through some weird nostalgic-regret moment thinking that perhaps his life could have been different with you. A lot of men seem to go through that at a certain point. Maybe he is going thru something? But either way - his issues aren't yours and you have moved on to a life that satisfies you.
You don't have to feel obligated to respond...sometimes you never know what these tricky lil bastards are up to... I need not recap my horrible experience from last week.lol
xoxo Anj.
When I read the e-mail to my
When I read the e-mail to my husband (I question if I should have...you know how men can get LOL) he said exactly what you did. He feels that maybe he is going through something and is looking into the past.
"Dress shabbily, they notice the dress. Dress impeccably, they notice the woman." - Coco Chanel
This is so interesting
This is so interesting because I recently looked up an ex on facebook and sent him a message to say hi. I know that he is married, but I didn't think anything of saying hi because I KNOW he is married-and that actually means something to me-it means he is certainly NOT available for anything other than a "hi how ya doin?" We had a brief back and forth, what's new in your life stuff, and that was it. I know that sometimes people can be creepy bastards, but sometimes I think people really do just want to say hi, or in his case, "thanks." It sounds like he just wanted to let you know that you meant a lot to him at one point and that he appreciated that. I don't think that automatically means he wants to do anything inappropriate, but who knows.
Like I say all the time though, trust your instincts.
"I paint my own reality." -Frida Kahlo
My instinct tells me that
My instinct tells me that he's fishing-for what I guess I'll never know.
I honestly wish he would of just said-hey what's up long time no see (that seems pretty innocent to me and I wouldn't think twice about responding to his e-mail).
"Dress shabbily, they notice the dress. Dress impeccably, they notice the woman." - Coco Chanel
Only he knows his motives.
Only he knows his motives. But I will say this, there have been times in my life where I wanted to reach out to someone from my past to thank them. For the time. For the lessons. Maybe because I was at a place in my life where I was grateful for my journey and the people I have experienced. I never wanted anything from those people. Just to express gratitude. Maybe he feels the same. Maybe he is on a life path that has him thinking as of late of all the beauty he has experienced in his life.
I say do what you need to do for your own peace and if that is ignorning him then do so. But don't do it out of a place of assuming his motives because you can't truly know for sure...
my 2 cents
Amy V
http://www.aphromesiac.com
Thanks for the advice "Dress
Thanks for the advice
"Dress shabbily, they notice the dress. Dress impeccably, they notice the woman." - Coco Chanel