Jackie.F member for 27 weeks 2 days Send a message

When I first read what an Alphawoman could be described as, I was very happy to become a part of a group of women that had a voice of their own and a forum where it could be expressed was the icing on the cake. Then I thought to myself, I do not have any hot stories, nor battling in a big divorce, nor writing a NYT bestseller. I am simply me. Good ole Jackie that wakes up in the morning, sees her big boy off to camp, kisses the baby before leaving, and goes to work. I have realized, for many years, that my life is not as I wanted it to be. I have had many things dictated to me by "Accident" or a "Boss" or a "Parent." What's even worse, boyfriends. They have chosen me and out of pity, lack of knowing any better, I always accepted. The word "no" is in my vocabulary, but I did not learn how to use it early and efficiently.

I am here nontheless, at 33, waiting for something exciting to happen to me again. I had good times, but nothing that engraved in my soul that gave me the feeling that it was a part of me. Nothing that I could take to my grave and tell Death, "Glad to meet you, let me tell you about what I lived on the other side."

This morning, I did not want to go to work. I have nothing exciting to look forward to, although I know that my job helps others in their community to obtain wellness and good living. I told a collegue and he said, "You just said it. Maybe God has you there and this is the job he wanted for you." I listened more and went to work reluctantly.

As it would turn out, I had finally gotten two referrals today since two months ago. It was good to get involved again at work and feeling busy and needed. Time was so fast spent, that when I eyed the clock, the work day was over. Before I headed home, I visited a co-workers office and saw a mini-bible. I was so happy when he said I could have it. Before I opened the book, I prayed: "God, please give me the discernment to understand your word. Keep me safe and healthy so that I may tell others of your word. Teach me to read..."

I began to read the table of contents and did not know which one to pick. I was bitter, discouraged, sad, doubting, sorrowful, and worried at the same time. I had to pick one, but none of them popped out at me. On the bus, a man who was dusty from head to toe and wearing construction boots said, "I hope you are following what you are reading." I responded politely by saying that I do...sometimes, not all the times, but sometimes. He smiled at me and continued a one man conversation: "There is a church right there. We just passed my church!" Of course I did not believe him so I asked him the name. He said it was SDA. I told him I do not like that church. He said, "It's not what you like, it is where God sends you." He had a point so I listened. "I opened my bible once and asked God to help me find a good Pentacostal church and he send me to the Seven Day Adventist and I have been here since. As a matter of fact, we are having a ministry if you want to come." I did not answer because I had no intension of going however, I listened and smiled at him as he left the bus.

When I waited for a transfer to a connecting bus, I was now able to open the book and "Needing rules for living" looked really conspicuous. The page I needed to go to was 296. I flipped the bible open and page 296 was there ready for me to read. I looked up and smiled. Romans chapter 12 was in my view and I read anxiously to hear what message God had for me. It told me that we all have different talents and must use them. Even if we belong to the same body of Christ, we all have different jobs to do. We should not focus on what others are doing because we do not know if that is what God has established a relationship with that person to do. I was glad and read on to chapter 13.

I heard that God has people in place to lead us and since he sent them, we must listen. If we do not, God's wrath will fall upon us. Do what you need to do following the commandments. But most important love another. Simply. I was really motivated and read chapter 14.

I stood up to let a dad sit his young daughter but he chose not to. I looked on for the bus and even though it was taking longer than usual, I waited. I read on and verse 8 said, "...whether we live or die, we are the Lord's." Those words put such an ease to my heart. I read on to verse 9 that said Christ lived and died that He might be Lord of the dead and the living.

I was so blown away by this, I jumped out of joy and when I came to the ground, so did tears. They flowed without my help. I walked and walked and began to pace my steps. I felt that every step I was taking, it was toward a beautiful path, a wonderous and prosperous life. I held on to that moment for as long as I could. I enjoyed every second of it then read on.

Verse 22 said, "Do you have faith?...Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves." Then it all began to come together for me. If I am an Alphawoman, I am one who will love God inward and outward. If I am an Alphawoman, I can talk about God like someone who loves food, their husband, or has troubles on their minds. If I am an Alphawoman, I can be me, whoever that is, and still have a friend who may not want to express themselves in such ways.

Whoever you are, may you find your gift, use it to the hilt, enjoy the rewards of your hard work, and treat others as you would want to be treated. I send a big hug to all the Alphawomen and the future Alpha's yet to be heard.