OK, so in that example you are treated like ‘boys and girls’ and
offered up a simple analogy that any beer drinker could relate to and
it is asserted by someone that would appear to know what they are
talking about.

Its all bogus, including the lesson,

How Taxes Really Work

To start with . . . .

In the US and throughout most of the rest of the world,
the tenth man would have paid off a politician for $10 to get a beer
subsidy of $30 per night(to create jobs for the bartender). Of this
$30, $10 of course would have covered the lobbying expense, $10 would
go in his own pocket, $1 would go to the bartender to keep his mouth
shut, and $9 would go to the bar.

The Bar would give him a kickback of $10 each night for
bringing in his 9 buddies to make them into alcoholics, repeat
customers for life.

The Bar would then raise their prices to $130 citing inflation and higher taxes.

The tenth richest man would then secure his finances in a Dutch
Holding Company managed by a trust in Ireland which invests in Chase
and Bank of America. He would then explain to his buddies that he is as
poor as the rest of them and can’t afford to pay himself as he cries
into his beer that night citing his latest financial report which shows
him to be broke on paper so that he doesn’t have to pay taxes in the
United States ever again.

Citing his former generosity, the other nine men would agree that the tenth man can now pay nothing like the 4 poorest.

The others would then be faced with an adjusted amount of

• The fifth would pay $3.
• The sixth would pay $10.
• The seventh would pay $22.
• The eighth would pay $38.
• The ninth would pay $57.

Now the group would recognize that this is not fair and so would
lobby the Government for an Earned Drinking Credit for the Poorest men.
The government would oblige and give the four poorest men $2 each, but
they would tax the 5th - 9th men $2 each as well.

• 4 men receive a total of $8 and 5 men pay $10.

The adjusted amounts would then look like this for all 10

• First Receives $2 pays $2 | Net 0
• Second Receives $2 pays $2 | Net 0
• Third Receives $2 pays $2 | Net 0
• Fourth Receives $2 pays $2 | Net 0
• Fifth Pay $1 to bar pays $2 to tax | net paid $3
• Sixth Pay $8 to bar; pays $2 to tax | net paid $10
• Seventh Pay $20 to bar; pays $2 to tax | net paid $22
• Eighth Pay $36 to bar pays $2 to tax | net paid $38
• Ninth Pay $55 to bar; pays $2 to tax | net paid $57
• Tenth Man:  Tax Credit Received: $30 ;
  Pays $10 to politician;
  $1 to bartender;
  Receives $10 from Bar
  Net RECEIVED $29 per night and free beer

Of course this can not go on forever as the sixth, seventh, eighth
and ninth men can’t afford to pay those rates forever. So they start
paying with their credit cards held by Bank of America and Chase.

The tenth man would start demanding a higher Return on
Investment from his investment managers, who would be hearing similar
requests from all of their other investors. They would then expand
their holdings into mortgaged back securities where a good deal more
profit could be made.

Meanwhile the Fifth through ninth men are racking up debt on
their credit cards from drinking every night, their health care costs
are increasing as their liver fails, and they are also spending more on
gasoline as they drink and drive as they can no longer afford to cab
it.

Ultimately, they end up refinancing their credit cards into
their house where they have equity. The mortgage broker promises them a
4.9% interest rate on the refinance which sounds good as their credit
card interest rate is up to 21%. The broker promises them that they
will not have to verify their income, provide W2’s nor copies of their
tax paper work.

Their mortgage broker doesn’t tell them, but lies about the
value of their house in order to refinance their credit and help them
avoid paying private mortgage insurance. At their current income
levels, and without verifying their income, their mortgage would be
classified as Sub Prime and the interest rate would be 10.9%

The mortgage officer lies about their income levels as well to boost
the internal credit scoring mechanism and get them financed, not at
4.9% but 5.9%, which is better than 10.9% and happens to pay the
mortgage broker a higher commission than a loan at 4.9% that is not sub
prime.

The mortgage broker also promises them a payment of $900 per
month, but fails to mention the balloon payment of $50,000 in the 5th
year and doesn’t mention the adjustable rates in year 3.

The men separately show up with a hangover and sun glasses on
the date of their close for their new mortgages. They trust their
broker and do not read the paperwork in detail flipping and signing
almost as fast as they could raise a beer bottle to their lips.

The loan closes, the mortgage broker gets a fat commission, the
bank securitizes the mortgages by selling them to an Irish Hedge Fund
and pockets collectively a billion dollars in profits that year.

The hedge fund holds the investment for a year, shows a 35%
gain on paper and starts selling shares to retirement funds and 401ks
in the US that the Sixth through 9th men just happen to have the rest
of their life savings sitting in.

The tenth man sees the writing on the wall, literally magic marker on a stall in the restroom of the bar.

“The end is Nigh”

He pulls his money out of the Irish Hedge fund invested in real estate and invests in Gold at $600 a troy ounce.

Meanwhile, he lobbies congress to tighten bankruptcy laws for
credit cards which he still has a sizable investment in. Congress
tightens bankruptcy laws and makes it impossible to absolve credit card
debt, forcing people into chapter 13 where they must pay off the debt
within 3 years or go to debtors prison where they can work it off in 7
years.

Gas prices are still going up so the President ignores a minor
terrorist threat, allows the terrorists to blow up a major building and
then goes to war with the terrorists home country where there is no
oil, and simultaneously with a country that sits on 10% of the worlds
oil reserves that has a decimated military infrastructure.

Oil prices shoot through the roof with Gold following close
behind. The President whose family comes from oil barons make a fortune
and become famous at their skull and bones country club outside of
Yale.

Meanwhile our famous 10 guys, start paying even more money at
the pump. The first 4 guys end up taking second jobs working at
Wal-Mart and have to give up drinking at the bar so that they can try
and beat their teenage kids out of a promotion.

The fifth and sixth guys get foreclosed upon. They were forced
to stop paying their mortgage payments so that they could pay their
mandatory credit card payments as required by the new bankruptcy law.

The seventh, eighth and ninth men all previously traded up
their homes for McMansions that they can not afford with interest only
payments of $2300 a month. When foreclosures start happening their
plans on flipping their McMansions and cashing in on the equity slips
through their fingers.

To make matters worse seven and eight get laid off from the
companies they work for when their jobs get outsourced to China. The
ninth man keeps his job at a law firm, but fails to notice that his
401k fund is slipping and has lost 10% in the last year. Things are
looking up as his law firm seems on the edge of landing a big contract
with Merrill Lynch.

Then the real estate crash and sub prime mortgage scandal
erupt. Banks start dropping like flies to be saved not by the cash
strapped government that can barely afford the war for oil any longer,
but by China. Oil and Gold soar, Gold hits $900 a troy ounce and Oil
hits $130 a barrel (about the same amount for 10 rounds of beer prior
to the crash). Beer prices hold steady for the first few months, but
then start to edge up as gas prices for delivery creep into the bar
owners expenses.

Then the first four men one night remember their favorite bar.
They sneak around back around 4:30 am and steal 50 empty kegs that just
happen to be made of pure aluminum. Those kegs are now worth about half
the value of a keg that is full in scrap metal prices or about $80.

They are not stupid and don’t want to get caught turning the
kegs in at the dump where the police are already looking for keg
thieves. So they head out to the closed down manufacturing plant where
they used to work. They start a big fire, and melt down the aluminum
into big messy aluminum splashes on the cement.

They turn in the aluminum for cash and get caught up on their
back alimony and child support before heading back to work at Wal-mart
where they now work for their teen age kids that beat them out for that
promotion earlier in the month because their job skills weren’t as good
as recent high school graduates.  They then begin dreaming of new ways
to find aluminum alimony allowances.

Meanwhile, the banks and mortgage companies lobby congress
spending about $10,000 a head in an election year to bail out the
economy. Congress provides the major banks with government backed loans
to refinance the bad sub prime loans so that the government can
personally guarantee those bad loans. They also put $100 billion of
actual cash into the hands of Americans hoping to stimulate the
economy.

Americans however, are all in debt up to their eye balls and
use the extra $1200 they receive to make 2-3 credit card payments. They
take the $300 for each kid and buy groceries for the month and then
they start worrying about next month.

The banks get away free as they have Chinese financing now and
no bad loans as they have refinanced them over to the US Government.
The US government had to print more money to pay for all of these
actions and so Gold goes up to $1500 a troy ounce.

The tenth man is now worth Billions and moves to Costa Rica to
retire taking the new trophy wife that used to be the bartenders girl
friend with him.

The first four men end up going to county prison for 3 months
for stealing aluminum dog crap receptacles after running out of kegs to
steal.

The fifth and sixth men end up living in an apartment and then homeless after they lose their jobs at Wal-Mart.

The
seventh and eighth men whom we previously left hanging in our story
after they lost their jobs and ability to pay for their homes, end up
losing their homes, and their kids. They and their spouses are each
convicted of mortgage fraud by the FBI in a major sting operation after
it is revealed that they lied on their mortgage applications. Their
mortgage brokers who actually did the paper work cop a plea agreement
in exchange for immunity with the Feds and rat out each of their
unsuspecting customers.

The ninth man ends up losing his entire retirement fund which
took a big hit as the dollar rapidly plummeted into free fall. He ends
up refinancing his own house under a government backed loan for
$650,000. Unfortunately, a tornado comes through that winter in a freak
coincidence and levels the home. FEMA promises to provide assistance
but never shows up and the ninth man freezes to death attempting to
salvage the shreds of his belongings. His home insurance policy refuses
to pay as they claim that his house was over valued and then they prove
it with comparables studies from his own mortgage brokers database.

The tenth man ends up dumping his new bride a year later,
moving back to the states a year after that when the US appears to have
hit rock bottom and he leads up a Chinese real estate investment
initiative in the states. He makes another $10 billion in ten years,
but is then executed in Beijing for espionage.

Meanwhile, the bar tender goes on to win American Idol and
sleep with Paula Abdul. They are now blissfully happy, doped up on
anti-psychotics, and the biggest two idiots the world has ever seen.

 

Posted: Monday, February 4th, 2008 at 4:43 pm under: Viral Conspiracy Theory, Viral Emails, Viral Story by brettbum. 

BeautyMark75-You are by far my most favorite Alpha Woman on this site!! I have not posted in a long time because you are handlin' things really wonderfully. Each time I get ready to post, you pop up and say what I am thinkin'