member for 27 weeks 2 days
It displeases me when someone says, "don't get angry." Why then was the emotion given to us if we cannot use it? Sometimes I just want to be angry...at everything! I am not angry now but I feel women are entitled to be angry at any time for any reason. If we are the ones who push 8lbs beings from our vaginas, dress our husbands to be admired by other women, multitask with the kids,work,friends,men, work a 9 to 5 and then do a family double shift, take the kids to all kinds of money depleting practices, have sex when we are not in the mood, have sex to get into a mood, have sex just because...WE SURE HAVE THE RIGHT TO GET ANGRY! Did I forget the family pet?
I have now decided to get angry and while I am at it I have to say that I am angry at the fool of my son's father. Maybe tomorrow I might tell you how in love I am with him and that will make me seem as a bipolar manic psychotic xyz, but it is how I feel. My feelings were made for expression, not supression.
The %#$#@!^& of my son's dad had a family gathering to which I was invited. People came from down south and out of state to be there. You would think it important--first son, first time meeting great-grama. I went out of my way to show up so that my son could meet his relatives for the first time. Guess who does not show? I was stuck two hours away from home with my boys (they had fun of course) with people whom I did not know. His sister drove us and I was grateful but it should have been him there. Nonetheless, I was respectful and amiable.
Once it was over and rain and thunder arrived so did my anger. The closer I got home the more upset I felt. I did not ask him for an explanation when I saw him that night because I already knew what the excuse was.
He was born with ADHD. I do not despise him, nor make fun at his ailment, but I hate, yes I hate what it does to him and how the disease manifests in him. AARRRGH!
He "fell asleep and it was dark when {he} awoke" was the "reason". I am angry because I don't know how to help him anymore. I have tried all my resources but have failed. He falls asleep for everything (not sex, I wonder why?)and forgets everything (not to have sex, why not?). It has come to the point where I do not believe him anymore. I have come to the conclusion that he uses it as a crutch to stay in his comfort zone of irresponsibility.
I am angry because I want to be angry at him, but my convictions wont let me. So AW blog, thanks for being the venue, place where I can be. I am going to work now and rechannel this anger until another day. Maybe that day will be when he falls asleep on the day of his wedding and forgets what church the ceremony is or who he was to marry!
Comments
Login or register to post a commentGirl be mad! Because you
Girl be mad! Because you know if we can find a way to manage our job, our health, our home, our families, and our hormones in between everything else that is going on, he could have remembered his bloody family meeting his child! F- him!
Incidently, Mr. You-know-Who also has a way of telling me he has ADD when he is supposed to do things with me and has unexplained absences or extreme lateness. To an extent I believe it because I had the displeasure of being on a plane with him for 7 hours and it was a constant rotation of activity - reading the newspaper, to PSP, to Computer, to reading a book, back to PSP...my goodness I wanted to hit him or give him something so he would stay put for 10 minutes. I don't think he's even watched one movie from beginning to end in one sitting!
At one point he laughed and said "I can't help it". Ok.
One time in the middle of winter, he was supposed to be at my house at 8pm and he rang my door bell at 11pm. I did not answer. Actually, I curled up in my blankets. He called and called and I finally answered and said to him, "8pm means 8pm. Not 8:30 and not 11. So go home. Next time you are running late, pick up the bloody phone and say something." I felt bad cuz it was about 4 degrees outside but - now, when he's late he will call or send a text. So - excuse or health problem?
According to the CDC, the following are signs that a person could have ADHD:
1. Often does not give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in work, or other activities.
2. Often has trouble keeping attention on tasks.
3. Often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly( He seems like he is not listening but he can sure quote you when he needs to")
4 Often does not follow instructions and fails to finish duties in the workplace (not due to oppositional behavior or failure to understand instructions).
5. Often has trouble organizing activities.
6. Often avoids, dislikes, or doesn't want to do things that take a lot of mental effort for a long period of time
7. Often loses things (Mine claims he knows where things are but just can't always find them)
8. Is often easily distracted (Not sure - we had sex while he had a wisdom toothache and a sprained ankle. Seemed pretty focused to me).
9. Is often forgetful in daily activities.
If they really have a problem that is preventing them from functioning they will seek help. Otherwise they are just looking for convenient excuses to escape responsibility.
Be mad. Step on the cucaracha!
xoxo Anje
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best" -
Marilyn Monroe
You Damn Right
Not only do they focus well during sex, they can remember what they want for their own convenience. I am beginning to feel that he has been playing his family the whole time, that he is spiteful to his mother because of the abuse and "crime of ommission" she has on his head. There is something about her that makes him cringe. I saw it the other day when she drilled him on an issue. He has not grown out of her fist and I am not going to replace his mother so that I become the subject of hatred and resentment.
At times I pity him but at 42, something has got to give. Women justify men's behaviors to justify their stupidity.
He is a grown ass man! Let
He is a grown ass man! Let him learn how to be one while you raise one - with or without him.
Seriously.
xoxo Anje
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best" -
Marilyn Monroe