member for 22 weeks 6 days
"I had a fairly happy childhood" .. It always makes me laugh when people say that because how do they really know? There is nothing to compare it with is there? What one person may experience and be happy with may be completely different to another.
My childhood - I have prominent memories like everyone else (I guess!) was stable but I wouldn't describe it as being happy.
The clearest memory that I have is that my relationship with my father was not a happy one. My mother did EVERYTHING and because my father let her do EVERYTHING my 2 sisters and I came to expect her to do EVERYTHING.
My mother was outwardly strong but inwardly weak, she showed everyone she could cope but on the inside she was falling apart. We had to get the house tidy and clean for him coming home all so he could fall asleep on the sofa. If things were not right for him he would emotionally blackmail my mother and sink into a bad mood-ignoring her for days.
My father would literally come in from work and do nothing, when the weekends came he would get involved in things that HE enjoyed. I can never remember him taking my mum out anywhere special or my parents having friends around to the house/socialising. My mum is (well used to be) a sociable person but that has faltered over the years I think she has just given up a little.
My father wouldn't socialise, he avoided parties and get togethers unless he was 100% comfortable.
I don't ever remember once getting a hug from him as a child, incredibly hurtful. I remember going round to friend’s houses and watching them play with their fathers and joking and laughing with them instead of my own father.
The only time he ever showed affection to me was the day I got married 11 years ago - I came down the stairs in my wedding dress and he hugged me and told me I looked beautiful (I held the tears back only just as you can imagine!)
As soon as that moment was over he never did it again. Our relationship is far from perfect now I'm 37.
Has anyone else had difficult relationships with their parents and if so how have you coped with them?
Comments
Login or register to post a commentOpposite
My dad and I have always been very close and at 33, it hurts to be living this part of my life without him (he died 8 yrs ago) but I do understand strained relationships.
I wrote a blog called "My mother, my burden" which explains my relationship with her but indeed, it seems as we both get older, the relationship is getting worse. There is no genuine feeling between us - we never say "I love you" to each other and when she calls to talk to me it's always about something superficial and never about me directly.
In 20 years my mother has never asked " What is going on in your life? Are you happy?".
I guess, I never ask her either!
xoxo Anje
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best" -
Marilyn Monroe