member for 36 weeks 2 hours
Well, its now been almost 2 weeks since I found out I was pregnant....my home life has been going on like a stormy sea, and I never know when I'm going to have a fair-going day with my mother or husband, or if I'm going to catch hell with either one of them. To be more precise, my mom is the one who for some reason is trying to place blame on either myself or my husband for the pregnancy for occurring (God only knows why, thats a damned juvenile manuever!) and my husband, is either trying to avoid me or acts like a guilty child who is trying to make nice!....the sad thing is that although they both have on occasion intimated to me that they'd support me if i had the child, i still get too much of the "so when are you getting rid of it?" lingo!
Let me fill you in on today's details: both my mom and husband knew I had a doc's appt so that I could get some basic info on my health...I just wanted to see how far along I was exactly, what the size of the embryo was, and what would any meds do to it (such as asthmatic meds, etc) that I have to take....well, the doc's visit went fine and from what I was told it doesn't look like anything I take for my med conditions should affect the child in any way, so really it comes down to what I should do about this kid....do i keep it or do I get rid of it?.....even the doc that i spoke to asked me if there was anyone that was married w/ kids that I was friends with that I could at least confide in....my problem is that, outside of you ladies here, most of my friends are single women in the working world, most of which don't even have LTRs!....I have no one to confide in, so actually this forum and even that chat with the doc was a great balm on the soul especially when you don't have anyone else to hash stuff out with!
At any rate, since Ive last blogged, I have gone over some preliminary costs/balances, etc, on things I'd have to expend if I had the child....it would be damned expensive, and if i had it i'd have to take out COBRA from the ins. from my recently ended job, but I don't think it would be completely impossible, although it looks like I won't have any support outside of the forced monetary support at least, from the husband.....he's basically useless and I dont plan on him being in any active picture, from the looks of things....it looks like I'm either going to have to find a daycare setup or something similar that is trustworthy if I want to go this route, as I have to keep working and cannot afford time off once I get another job!.....
In the alternative, If I end it now, its still in the very early stages of the pregnancy and from what the doc tells me, they could perform an aspiration procedure on me which would be over in 5 mins, rather than give me another RU486 pill, so that the trauma aspect is minimalized....but truthfully, the idea of continuing on with things as they are after all this if I choose this path is senseless....as I said before, my husband is useless and acts like an irresponsible child....why would I want someone like that in my life?.....so then basically my goal is to start over from scratch, as I just don't see him doing a 180 degree turn around and investing care and consideration in this as he should have from the beginning!
I have another appt to see the doc again in 10 days, so I have a little time left to give this some more thought as to what to do....at the next visit, the doc even told me depending on what I choose to do, they can either perform the aspiration, or come up with a "prenatal plan" for me, so I've really got to try and nail this down soon!
Anyway ladies, I would appreciate your thoughts on my current updated scenario....also, if any of you have had experiences with daycare, positive or negative, please don't hesitate to let me know what goes on with those places....many thanks!!
Comments
Login or register to post a commentIt could be just me but....
Once I read your blog I went back to read your other ones. I thought maybe you had some medical reason or issue that hindered you from having the baby. I was wrong. You are a healthy woman who has had to do this before and while I am very PRO-CHOICE it is just that your choice. If you can take care of this baby emotionally then you shoud have it. I mean what if you never get pregnant again? And I hate hate HATE to say this but your husband sounds like an asshole. And I know that none of us are at your home and I'm being extremely judgemental but I can't believe his lack of consideration. Does he have kids? All I know is this country has been built on single mother's back; there's nothing wrong with it. I'm one of those 'F' everyone I'll do it on my own type of women. I say stand up whether or not you keep the baby. But don't lay down and let your husband or even your mother step on you. You have to teach people how to treat you and if you're not there for them to treat like shit then they will realize what pricks they have been. The best way to win is too fight a good fight. Fight for yourself; Fight for your child!
A word on daycares: they are
A word on daycares: they are expensive as all hell and unless you find a really good daycare, no one looks like they care one bit about your child. I had a friend who worked in a daycare (for infants) and she said there were about 4-6 infants to a person, it was overcrowded, etc. If you do end up having this baby, see if you can hire a person who stays at home to watch your baby for you, about 10-20 dollars an hour. A lot cheaper and you will be 100% sure your baby is getting the attention he/she needs.
Your husband really sounds horrible. You know, it's not like it's your fault you got pregnant...I hate how some guys think they can have sex with any lady, but if she gets pregnant it's totally her fault. As if she could have done something to prevent it. If he's not willing to stick his oar in and help out...you have to figure out how you'd be able to raise this baby (if you want to keep it) by yourself.
"Be the change you wish to see in the world." - Gandhi
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No doubt about it, you are
No doubt about it, you are in a pickle.
I think sometimes we are faced with a decision that no one can make but ourselves. It seems like you have the information you need, and understand your options. The fact that the decision is totally on you is no less daunting of a reality, but it is what it is.
I read this book once called "Traveling Mercies" by Anne LaMott. She faced a similar situation and went to a pastor for advice. The pastor told her that if she had no hesitations about getting an abortion, then she should have one. He also said that if there was the slightest hesitation, then she should listen to that inclination very carefully.
I too am pro-choice. I am also pro-listen to your instincts. From everything you've shared, I don't believe in my heart of hearts that you want to terminate this pregnancy. Of course I may be wrong, but it's just what it seems. I really believe that things can work out if you follow your heart. Maybe that's me just being idealistic.
My heart goes out to you.
"I paint my own reality." -Frida Kahlo