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By Diana Kirschner, Ph.D.
Quiz available at www.mydatingpatterns.com
There are four common Deadly Dating patterns that single women struggle with: Crumbs, Chase Me, Not Perfect-I’ll Pass and Safety Net. The Sex & the City characters, Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda, are good examples of women who dealt with these self-sabotaging patterns. The characters transformed their unique patterns in order to develop love relationships. Each Deadly Dating pattern reflects specific love relationship challenges and triumphs that many single women face. Here are the four types:
1. The Crumbs Deadly Dating Pattern (like Carrie)
- Accepting seductive & wonderful treatment from a guy who is ultimately out of reach & afraid of commitment (Mr. Big)
- Fantasizing about & falling for men who put her second, behind work or other women (Russian artist, Aleksandr Petrovsky)
- Cheating on a man who really loved her (Aidan) and pushing him away
Deeper Dynamic: Believing that you don’t deserve a relationship in which you come first.
2. The Chase Me Deadly Dating Pattern (like Samantha)
- Endlessly claiming she did not really want to have a relationship
- Leaving lovers & moving on for no apparent reason
- Fearing intimacy (Smith holding her hand in public!) and commitment
Deeper Dynamic: A desperate need to be claimed, almost against your will, (As Smith successfully did with Samantha in the end.)
3. The Not Perfect—I’ll Pass Deadly Dating Pattern (like Charlotte)
- Fussy and a perfectionist
- Almost passed on Harry Goldenblatt, a man who was good husband material but balding & unpolished. (refused to go to beach party with him unless he had his back waxed)
- Judgmental and constricted about sexuality
Deeper Dynamic: A self-critical nature where you judge anyone who would want you as “not good enough.”
4. The Safety Net Deadly Dating Pattern (like Miranda)
- Afraid of being alone & pessimistic about her odds of meeting a great guy
- Dating guys she feels are beneath her
- Attracted to a man only if other women are interested in him or he’s left her (Steve)
Deeper Dynamic: Low self esteem & a sense that you can’t compete with other women for a really great successful guy.
If you see yourself in these patterns, congratulations. Insight is the first step to freeing yourself to create the relationship you want! You can also take a special quiz and find out which Sex and the City pattern you have at www.MyDatingPatterns.com
Comments
Login or register to post a commentI would be very curious to
I would be very curious to hear your views on why we don't see more sexually-healthy women depicted on television. Is it because those women are scary to the rest of us? Is it that they would seem too "perfect" and boring?
We see women depicted as successful in business; why don't have better sexual role models for our daughters?
I agree with you. But, I
I agree with you. But, I find, since starting this site, that many women are successful on so many levels and SUCK at their love life but are to afraid to admit it or ask for help because they are either embarrassed or feel like failures. Not to mention that most people think because they are successful on so many levels that they are PERFECT and can't imagine or accept that they are human and flawed in other areas of their life.
Look at Hillary Clinton or some other very strong women in our society today. They are high achievers on many levels but lack in the relationship department.
Aren't we all just human beings?
Dr.Diana
I really liked to read about patterns,and comments. Aren't all these reasonings, and SUCK their love life patterns applies to men too? Doesn't right after becoming a mother, a woman realize that there is no perfection on earth other than our creator? If so- atleast was for me-may the dating patterns can just be a reflection of different woman personalities against men' expectations or vise versa? Therefore aren't we all agree that women characters in S&C were having much more fun than men characters?
We are not more lack of relationship success than men who has the same criterias with us, as long as two parties' numbers comes up equal from these equations.
2 broken.....fill the blank.(Marriage,heart,family....)
Best
Roz