beautymark75 member for 37 weeks 21 hours

Lately I have been reflecting a lot on the choices I've made over the years regarding relationships. I am trying to identify patterns so that I can get to the bottom of them, and not repeat the negative ones that just haven't worked out for me.

I noticed one very interesting theme that emerged in this reflection. I am attracted to and date "Great" guys. By great I mean highly educated, articulate, multi-talented, socially conscious, artistically sensible, intellectually stimulating, "go-getter" type of men. The kind that are going to change the world someday. (Gosh, I'm gettin hot just thinking about the revolution!)

Lately though, I have been wondering if that is my problem. Greatness, I am coming to find out, comes at a great cost, and nothing has made that truth more palpable than John Edwards' marital infidelity. When the news broke that Edwards' affair had been confirmed once and for all I was really shocked and saddened. Edwards seemed like the type of guy who just wouldn't do that. To me, (even though he wasn't my top pick) he seemed like a genuinely sincere guy who loved his wife in a way that wouldn't make him stray, especially when she was going through cancer treatment.

But in a recent statement Edwards admitted that the campaigning went to his head and he began to think that he was "special." He said that feeling contributed to a massively inflated ego and extreme narcissism-all characteristics I find (down the road) in the "great" guys I date (give or take a few.) I admire Edwards' admission of such character flaws, but he sure seems like his guilt and shame are a result of getting caught more so than doing the deed.

Of course John Edwards is hardly the "greatest" man we know, but think of all the other men who were much greater who had secret lives plagued with infidelity, dishonesty, broken promises and more. (As I began to think of names, I realized they were all presidents or politicians, or entertainers!-Interesting)

It may be that those who reside in roles of civic duty, clergy, or other "great" professions are under a closer microscope and endure far more unrelenting scrutiny, but I wonder.

Then I started thinking about the antithesis to "greatness" which I concluded was "simplicity." To me, simplicity is a combination of contentment, humility, existence without excessive drive, quiet wisdom, stillness, and depth. I started to wonder if any of the men I have ever dated were marked with simple lives. I searched my memory over and over, and I got nothing! Not one guy fit this description. I know men who strive for simplicity and I admire them a great deal. Most of them are professors I work with. The are gentle, meek, but not pushovers by any means. They aren't too flashy, they don't drive expensive cars, but they speak with great respect when they bring up their wives and children in conversation. They are not consumed with machismo or sensitive egos. The are just thoughtful, unassuming, men who may not get your attention at first glance, but truly captivate when they reveal their hearts.

Is this the mistake I've been making all these years? In my pursuit of greatness have I overlooked the value of simplicity?

There is a man who delivers my mail every day. Every day he comes in at 9:30am. He sets the mail bags on my counter and says, "Good morning Danielle." I say good morning back. He is married with one son and occasionally he brings his son (who is about 16) to work with him, just for the heck of it. There is nothing visually sensational about this guy. I am sure there isn't much else that is sensational about him to be honest. But everyday he stops and has a brief conversation about the weather, current events, or his weekend plans with his wife, and through our interactions I can tell that he has mastered the art of living simply not because he is boring or anything like that, but because he takes time to invest in the things about life that really matter, the things that usually appear to be not so "great." Yesterday while he brought his son by, he passed on wise words by explaining to his son that my office always has the best candy. His son grabbed a starburst from my candy dish,looked at his dad proudly and said, "Cool."

My new relationship goal is to focus on the simpler things, and men who do the same. This is going to be hard for me. Just last night I completely fell in love with a stranger at the grocery store who was completely covered in tattoos. He was so hot I couldn't take it, but nothing about him said "simplicity." He looked like someone whose "greatness" attributes made him a great artist, or singer, or a great "bad boy," but I wasn't getting a "content and unassuming" vibe from him at all what so ever!

I think a good way to tell if a person does not lead a life of simplicity may be to look at a person's career path. In my estimation folks who are "great" in terms of the responsibility, power, prestige, hours devoted to their work, and type of skills/training it takes to succeed, have a greater potential to be brought down by their own ego, narcissism, and vices, and thus have a greater likelihood for bringing others down with them.

This is all speculation gathered from my own reflections, but what do you think?

If you HAD to choose between Larry the mail guy and John Edwards who would you choose?