member for 27 weeks 1 day
I am so sick of being the one who does it all! I thought marriage was a partnership not a dictatorship. he is just so mean and hurtful and the things he says to me like, didn't you do anything today, do you think you could do my laundry, when do you plan on cleaning. i just don't even respond anymore because of FEAR! I called for help/advice to the abuse hotline in my town, they wanted me to come their office, are they off their rockers! People repsect my husband and see only the good, are they turning their heads to the real story or is he just so good that no one sees it, i blame myself because i have played the game myself and let people only see what he wants them to see. Honestly i feel more trapped now that we have moved into our new home, like i really have no where to go. I feel trapped in a prison that i helped to create and their is no escape. I watched my grandmother be abused for years and swore i would never be in that same situation and look at me. perhaps it is because she was physically abused and so far he has only been physical once before we were married. I must be a real idiot. I just want to be happy and nothing i do makes him happy. When he wants sex which is never thank god, I feel dirty afterward, it has been well over a year since the last time. I know only I can fix it but with nothing and constantly being torn down it seems like this is my life.
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Login or register to post a commentI am so sorry for what you
I am so sorry for what you are going though and you definitely need to get help as soon as possible before things get worse.
Sounds as though you were having problems before you got married and they are escalating because you seem to be afraid of him.
He was only physical once? Don't make excuses for that. Any man who can hit a woman once, will find any excuse to do it again.It is a control mechanism and if he knows that hitting you will scare you into doing what he needs/wants then it can happen again and again and again. Be very careful.
I can't help but think of the scene in Madea's family reunion when the abused wife tries to leave and he threatens to kill them both. These are intricate realities that were expressed on film.
If he is highly respected/known where you live I can see how that can make you fearful since he will not the public to know what he is really like behind closed doors.
I read this when i saw your post and thought it could be helpful for you:
The first thing you need to do is break the silence on this issue.
You also need to have a safety plan in place in the event that your husband threatens to harm you again. At the first sign of anger, leave the house and go a prearranged place where you will be safe. It's also a good idea to have some extra clothing and toiletries in the trunk of your car (it sounds dramatic but it can save your life). If your husband threatens you as you leave, call 9-1-1 when you get to the safe place and file a police report.
Find a supportive counselor who can help you develop a plan to confront the abuse and protect yourself.
Depending on your situation, the therapist may recommend a formal "intervention" involving friends, family members and perhaps even your pastor. During this meeting, this group of individuals will back you up you as you confront your husband about his abusive behavior. Tell him that you are not going to allow him to abuse you any more, and insist that he get counseling for his anger problem immediately.
It's likely that he will beg for your forgiveness and promise that he will never harm you again. As much as you may be tempted to believe him, don't. Set a deadline for him to start counseling and stick to your guns. Your therapist may even recommend that you separate from him for a while and file a restraining order with your local police department.
It will take a great deal of personal courage to do these things, but they are essential. The most loving thing you can do for your husband is to take action to find help, both for yourself and for him.
I saw this number as a potential resource for you: call 1-800-A-FAMILY
Good luck and be safe.
xoxo Anje
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best" -
Marilyn Monroe
yea this does sound bad
see this is what im afraid of if and when i get married to the guy im currently dating. we argue so much over the smallest things and he wants me to move out with him. im afraid it will only get worse. but yea you guys have some serious relationship problems to fix and he doesn't want to cooperate then you need to leave him.
good luck with everything girl and take care of your self really. no girl deserves to be treated badly when she's doing her best.
peace and love -Jessica Trev
Don't be afraid of marriage.
Don't be afraid of marriage. But go with your gut and your heart and head when it comes to arguing over the small stuff. If i would have had this support 16 years ago, from all of you wonderful, strong, wise women. I would not have married my husband. I was 18 yrs old and the sweeping and charm and the i am sorry, blinded me to the facts. Good luck in your relationship and remember we don't need men they need us. It has taken me 16 yrs to figure that one out. Now i have to take my own advice.
Thank you so much and much love
This sounds terrible
I am so sorry for you. I will share with you two pieces of advice given to me in the past by women who mean much to me - advice that helped me come to a much better place (now I am in a good relationship - happily married!).
1. If things are as bad as you describe, get out. A year from now, things will be different for sure - maybe better, maybe worse (probably not). But definitely different.
2. You can't fix his problems, only he can do that. We fall into "superwoman" traps a lot, and that's never good for us. If he isn't trying to fix his issues, take control over your own life.
I know it's easy to say - I struggled with some of the same issues. But there is hope, and you deserve much better.