anjewoodruffe member for 14 weeks 2 days Send a message

Marriage is not a temporary indulgence.

Last Friday, I received a major interruption in my day from an ex-boyfriend of almost 7 years ago. He and I dated once upon a time and eventually I realized my interest in him was purely sexual and when that interest waned, I ended the relationship. Turns out he got married about two years ago which I found out about belatedly though a mutual friend. I thought it was strange that he never mentioned that he was getting married but it didn’t matter to me either way since our association as fare as I saw it had been over for some time. He recently had a baby and is supposedly doing the Long Island happy suburban life.

So, there I was in the middle of doing my budget forecasting for a new project I was working on, when I get a text message from the aforementioned married man with child that said “ There is a woman who has the exact same back structure as you. Oh the things you remember. Don’t you miss those days? I sure miss eating your p**** and sucking on your (.)(.).”

I looked at the message, sighed and thought to myself, “this isn’t gonna end well”.

I ignored his trip down memory lane and answered some other erroneous text messages about work, friends and painting. He asked what I was painting and if I had any of it posted anywhere. Then came the question: “How about I brush my tongue on your clit” How does that sound.”

Still containing myself I said dryly, “Sounds like you’re not getting it from your wife”.

To which he responds, “ Don’t worry about what I am getting. Think about what you would be receiving”.

I responded “Hmmmm…” This was a nonchalant response to the seething anger that was building.

He continued, “Yes Hmmmm…. P**** licking and deep D*****. Don’t judge it. I could take a long lunch. It’s a good day for f-ing. Let it rain. F-it.”

I responded politely, “ I have always had a rule about married men – I don’t touch em”.

He continued to say, “ Whatever. You have a man and I have a woman. Let’s F-.”
I replied, “I don’t f- with married men. I have man yes but you have a wife –BIG DIFFERENCE”.

His response was: “Whatever. It doesn’t count. Make an exception….well if you’re not interested, do you have any girlfriends who don’t care if the guy is married.. I guess I have no shame”.

I said to him, “ What arrogance – first to assume that I would have any interest in you sexually or other after – how many years? And secondly that any of my friends would want my sloppy seconds who happens to be a married man. Check yourself.”

So he further continued to say; “ You shut me out the minute I got married”.

I said dryly, “Before actually and it is a non issue at this point.” And then, this is the message that followed:

“ You know what. You’ll never get married because you’re scared shitless of committing yourself to something that only has a 50% chance of succeeding anyway. You’ve always been a commitment phobic. That’s why we didn’t work out. You were always scared that the guy would f- around on you once you got married and you would probably cheat too and that why you don’t want to get married. You’d probably do the same shit you’re giving me shit for right now. You’re full of shit – BITCH!”

Excuse me.

My response to that sordid self-projection was, “ My reasons for not being married are none of your business. When sorry ass men like yourself decide you want to be married and single at the same time you f- up a relationship that can potentially be amazing because like a 5 year old the minute you want something and cannot get it, you start seeking other options. Marriage is a commitment – not a lifetime vaginal portal. And as for why we ended – it was because I never saw you as marriage material (apparently I was right) and we never had that connection so once I realized that, I ended the relationship. And finally- you must not know me very well since everyone knows that I see marriage as a Holy Sacrament taken before God and I don’t take that likely. So I am sooo sorry that I cannot accommodate your need to adulterate. Go home and f- your wife. For better or for worse. Get what you paid for.”

He actually responded, “Don’t you go judging me. You ain’t God”.

I said, “ No I’m not. And since I’m trying to stay in his good graces, I suggest you find your f- buddy elsewhere”.

End of debacle.

[Please thank me at this point for not forwarding these messages to his wife].

What the Hell is up with that?

As I rewrote this conversation I realize that he thought initially that he was being funny or cute and that perhaps because my boyfriend is away (maybe he read my blog) that I would be willing to have an insignificant tryst. I was so disgusted. The more he said, the more disgusted I became and I truly don’t think he got it. I respect the institution of marriage and there have never been any stories of women having affairs with married men that ever ended well. Think Monica Lewinsky. Furthermore, it upsets me that this is the general attitude of many married men who seem to think marriage is the thing that happens only when they are in the presence of their wife and that if their wife isn’t indulging them sexually that it is okay to seek sexual relief elsewhere. It isn’t!! I am beginning to wonder if this is a conversation women need to have with their men. It seems unnecessary but it is disturbing to know that these kinds of conversations are happening under your nose. So many levels of disturbing things with men like him. This is how families are destroyed and disease is brought into the home.

I’m not married and I don’t need to justify that to anyone – we make our own choices. Truth be known is that with one exception, I have not had that connection with anyone and I although I have been proposed to more than once, I know they were not the right people for me. If I wanted a great man who would take care of me, sure, I could have make the jump and reaped the benefits but my heart would not have been in it. I want a soulful, spiritual connection with someone with whom I share similar values and ambitions not just an opportunity to consolidate finances!

My friends and I went out for drinks Friday evening and we discussed the deplorable character and I showed them the text messages. The bottom line pretty much was that he needed to deal with his own issues. Lucky me to be the victim of his projection.