MysticalKat member for 20 weeks 4 days Send a message

This is my first blog ever on this wonderful site. I have been lurking around and enjoyed reading some of the blogs - I know I still have a lot more to go through and I am slowly doing that.

I've meaning to blog since the day I registered but I never got the chance to do it as I was always in a hurry. Today, I needed some time alone so I thought this is the time for to blog about the things that have been on my mind.

I lost my wonderful mother last year in December. It was the most painful moment I've ever experienced in my 27 years on this planet! Her passing was so sudden - that made it ever harder for any of us to accept but given time, we have and we are slowly getting our lives back. I am not left with my father. My 3 older brothers are married and we are all closer than ever now. That is, of course a good thing for all of us.

I'm left with no one to talk to - I am close to my father and siblings but it is just not the same. It was so easy to talk to her. Knowing that she won't physically be there on my wedding day (whenever that is!) is really getting to me. I wish I had the opportunity to plan the big day with her, you know.

My mother was an amazing woman and so much more. What got me through the earlier days of her passing was knowing that a lot of people had nothing but great things to say about her, even from those we did not hear from in a long time. Like I told my best friends, just being half of who she was - would be a great thing for me.

Another thing that has been bothering me of late is people who are a bit too selfish. I am busy trying to raise funds for my SO's deaf 2 year old son. I know my SO has tried everything he could cause the last person he came to for help was me. Maybe it's a man thing but I was glad he to me for help.

I met with some friends that I thought would be able to help me but most said no. I guess it shocked me because whenever they came to me for help - I was always there for them. In every form possible - be it emotionally, physically or monetary. Those were the ones that always say "you can always count on me to help you out". Right.

I also met with my former boss turned friend. Now he has always portrayed himself as the charitable sort - always funding this charity, that charity. We had dinner so that I could discuss with him about the situation. Before I started, he was telling me that he is planning to buy over a Yoga club which has 8 branches all over town and a trip to Canada.

I knew I could count on him as he said the same thing "if you need anything, let me know" and when I told him about my SO's situation - he said it is such a shame as the boy is only 2 and he'll help us out. So I sent a letter to him (for the sake of formality [regarding the hearing aid], as he put it) and... I've heard nothing from him ever since. That was 2 weeks ago.

I am so frustrated by all this. I feel like it is misleading - from the things they said to what they actually meant. I am the type that if it is too much then I would say so but at the same time, I will try any means possible to help my family and friends out. What I won't do is say I will lend/donate but then *poof* disappear!

It is true after all - this is when you know who your true friends are. Now, I feel as if I cannot count on anyone, I don't trust anyone enough to ask for help anymore. It has also made me feel that I should pull back whenever a friend wants my help BUT that is JUST NOT ME. I cannot do that because that's not what friends do.