Too much grip. Not enough lubrication. Faster, faster, faster!

These are some of the common complaints that women hear all too often. And no, we’re not referring to driving cars. We’re talking about oral sex! The topic that is most likely to be whispered and giggled about between girlfriends over a few too many cocktails, but that is not often spoke about in practical, applicable, how-to terms.

The first rule of thumb: don’t be intimidated! Particularly by that one girl in your social circle (you know who she is) that continually brags about being absolutely ‘fantastic’ in this area. More than likely, she’s not. She just probably hasn’t had a guy vocal enough to tell her the truth.

So for those ladies out there who are willing to admit they need a ‘refresher course’ in this area, the wait is finally over. Welcome to ‘Oral Sex Basics: 101.’ Written by anonymous Gay male! 

The Truth

Most men don’t look at oral sex as simply a way to reach a sexual climax, but also as a way for them to become sexually and emotionally closer to their partner. Just like any other intimate or emotional situation, COMMUNICATION is a vital aspect of oral sex.

Many women (and men) believe that performing oral sex on a man is an innate act that comes naturally. Everyone is different, and a “technique” you may have used with your last partner could be totally ineffective, or worse, completely uncomfortable for your current partner. Some men like a partner who has the power of a Hoover, and some prefer a gentler, more sensual approach. Uncovering what your partner enjoys is the only way to ensure that he will have an enjoyable sexual experience. If you’re in a situation where you’ll be having oral sex, you and your partner should be comfortable enough to discuss what he likes and doesn’t like. A few practices that you should avoid with any man are: letting your teeth touch any part of his penis, over-sucking the penis, and over-stimulating the head of the penis with your tongue.

Keeping the lines of communication open, you should be ready to have oral sex that will be enjoyable for both people involved. Start by gently licking, sucking and touching the penis (yes, with your fingers!). The penis doesn’t have to be totally erect at this point, and if it’s not, it will actually give you a little more time to “practice.” If your teeth accidentally meet his penis before the penis is totally erect, it won’t hurt as badly as when the penis is erect and the nerves are super sensitive, so a couple of gentle caresses won’t be a big deal.

Many would have you believe that sucking is the key to giving a good oral sex; however, the penis is not to be mistaken as a lollipop. There are three building blocks to a successful oral sex: mouth only, mouth and tongue, mouth and hands. Using all three of these techniques can land you in your very own fully paid condo!

There are several positions in which you can give stimulating oral sex: on your knees in between his legs, laying across the bed on your back, on your side or sixty-nine. For this discussion we will be on our knees in front of him. Make sure to keep some water close by to keep from getting a dry mouth. For a little extra tingle, keep a bit of mouth wash near too. We are saving that for next time though!

If you are starting with a soft penis there shouldn’t be a problem putting the whole thing in your mouth while you gently suck and lick it. However, don’t start moving your mouth up and down until he is semi-erect. A great technique to use in order to help him get erect quicker is to make a ring with your thumb and first finger and place it at the base of his penis while you gently suck and lick. He should turn from “Mr. Softee” to “Mr. Stiffy” in no time at all.

The Basics

Once you have become comfortable with your initial approach, begin using your hands to stimulate his penis. Grab (gently) the base of the penis and stroke up and down as you progress with oral stimulation. This not only feels great for your man, but it will also help him reach orgasm AND it helps you retain control so you don't feel like you are going gag. Be sure to apply a firm and sturdy amount of pressure.

Applying constant firm pressure with your hand is critical. You do this by making an “L” shape with your thumb and forefinger, laying it flat on his pubic hair under the base of the penis. The constant, firm pressure on the base directs the sensation to his penis and keeps it stiff and smooth (basically, your palm will be resting on his lower stomach, while your thumb supports the base of his erection.) At the same time, lick the entire tip, then use your tongue to lick up and down the sides. Now it should be slick enough to put the entire penis in your mouth. After a few minutes of oral stimulation, the penis will be erect, and that’s where the fun begins.

Make SURE you cover your teeth with your lips! Keeping your mouth taut, glide the head inside and lick the sensitive spot underneath with both the tip and flat part of your tongue. Lick like you’re licking your favorite ice cream cone, but avoid using ‘snake-like’ motions. Begin stimulating the head of the penis with your mouth and/or tongue. Slowly begin licking up and down the base and sides of the penis. Be sure to maintain your pressure, proceed down the shaft as far as you can go in one fell swoop. Don’t mess around taking in a little at a time. Show him you mean business. On the way back, pull your mouth back up the entire length of the shaft, right over the ridge of the tip. Take it out of your mouth for a second and go right back down.

Continue the full ‘up and down the entire shaft’ motion at a sensual, slow pace. After a couple of minutes you will be bored and you will want to start using your hand. According to the book, ‘Sex Trips for Straight Women from a Gay Man,’ written by Dan Anderson and Maggie Berman, the following is the best way to proceed. “One hand will always remain at the base of the penis to keep it in place. With the other hand, make a ring with your thumb and forefinger, and follow the movement of your lips up and down. Maintain the slow pace. Remember to breathe when you get to the top. When you’re ready to make him really moan, switch from the ring to the magic upstroke, twist, over and down technique, combing a hand stroke with a mouth stroke.”

About the stroke: Your hand should wrap around his penis with the back of the fingers towards his belly. When you get to the head of the penis you want to twist the hand, go over the top and down the other side in one movement without loosing grip or releasing pressure. It is all in the coordination, ladies. As you continue to orally pleasure him, your hands are free to wonder around his genitals (gently cup his testicles, perineum, inner thighs, even his butt). Keep one hand on his penis and let the other meander its way around his lower body. Continue performing all of the techniques that please your partner the most (you’ll know by his verbal cues, or at least by his breathing patterns), until he reaches orgasm.

Here is something else to throw into the mix: gently place the palm of your hands underneath his testicles, while at the same time using your thumb and index finger to make a fairly tight ring at the top of the sac or scrotum, and do a slight downward tug. Massage them gently with your hand, in between strokes on his penis. Or, if you are feeling really adventurous, stroke that special place called the perineum, aka the “taint.” It taint your penis and it taint your ass. Or just go for it and stick your finger in his bum (as long as your finger is lubricated!) Most men will not admit to this feeling good, but it can really throw them over the top. If putting your finger in his bum is repulsive, try just stroking or lightly scratching that area to see his initial reaction.

Repeat. It’s simple! Remember to be VERY careful when you’re anywhere near the head of the penis!! The head is a super, super sensitive bundle of nerves and the slightest knick of your teeth, or an over-aggressive tongue could send a shock of discomfort through your partner’s entire body, ruining the whole experience.

The Grand Finale

Dan Anderson and Maggie Berman offer fantastic tips on how to finish up the job in ‘Sex Tips for Straight Women from a Gay Man.’

“After you’ve stopped and started a few times, and you’ve got him just about ready to burst, return to the upstroke, twist, over and down-mouth combo, work in some head rub action, and go into a fast ring technique-mouth combo. Gay men who at one time had sex with women say the difference is that women rarely go hard and fast enough toward the end." Continue stroking with your hand until it’s over. Don’t forget to let go after he starts climaxing. "It’s a rare guy who likes his penis held immediately after ejaculation. Now might be an excellent time to mention an engagement ring, or suggest that trip to Paris you’ve been wanting.”

A few final thoughts. You can't pretend when it comes to this grand performance. A guy is quick to pick up on the signals of a woman who really likes his prized treasure and one that is just doing it for means to an end, so don't fake it. Not every guy is into oral sex either. Remember that oral sex IS an intimate act. No matter how heated the moment may seem, you’ll never be able to completely please a man unless you really know what he likes. Also make sure that you know your partner well and that you both have been checked for STD’s and or STI’s.

Finally, remember that giving a great blow job won’t ensure a ring, marriage or a lifetime guarantee. Don’t do this unless it is with the sole purpose of giving your loved one extra pleasure--and because you enjoy doing it as well!

Next Tip – How to touch the erect penis in the most sensual way!