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I recently read an article, called The Beguiling Truth About Beauty [Carlin Flora; Psychology Today May/Jun 2006] http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-200604... that had me reevaluating the effects of other people’s appearance on our own self esteem. We all say that we may not be affected by the beauty of others, but unconsciously most of us are.

Have you ever found yourself becoming self conscious when surrounded by a group of beautiful people? Now, before you say anything, forget that we all know that appearance is not what truly matters. I know this, you know this. I mean on a purely unconscious level, when you see a group of younger, attractive, physically fit people at the beach, do you secretly wish that you looked thinner, tanner, had longer hair, were younger, or this or that? We all have insecurities somewhere deep inside. It is a matter of what triggers them. We just don’t realize that being around, or compared to, a very attractive person, it can obliterate our esteem to a certain degree even when normally we are very secure with ourselves.

Of course, some of these feelings diminish with age, and new ones are created because of it. When I was younger I had found myself never leaving the house without being made up, but these days it just isn’t as important to me. But then again, I am not single. Interestingly, if I am with my boyfriend I will usually put on make-up and dress a little better. Why is this, considering he doesn’t look at other women in a threatening manner—so that’s not the reason. I feel it is because I don’t want other women thinking, “why is he with her??” and trying to flirt with him purposely in front of me. That would instigate a scene, I assure you, hehe. With my ex-fiancé, I remember always running out of the house with full face make-up because that relationship made me feel insecure, he liked the attention of others it seemed and it made me feel threatened. These are just my insecurities; they are part of who I am. I cannot explain it, it is what it is.

Other people, and what they have accomplished, or what they look like, can and does affect us whether we like it or not. Be it an impressionable teen, or a seasoned, and very hardened businessman, insecurity arises from a sense of personal inadequacy. Many times it is a product of our surroundings. For instance, reading a ton of Vogue magazines in all of its airbrushed, perfectly-thin glory can make us feel unattractive. It can also trigger us to have cosmetic surgery, start a new diet, skip dinner entirely, buy a new outfit, get a new haircut, etc. Being around corporate bigwigs all day, knowing you are struggling paycheck to paycheck can either make you bitter and resentful, or hugely envious. It can also make you strive to be more, do more, to become more successful. Think about when you have played Trivial Pursuit with a group of above average intelligent people, have you ever felt, what if I get an answer wrong? I have. The fact of the matter is we all have, at least once in our life, cared about what others think and have had them affect us somehow.

How many of you have looked at “Thinspiration” photos to trigger your butt into gear to start a diet and exercise regimen? At the risk of those who feel I have an eating disorder (If I did, wouldn’t I be super thin??), still I admit I have. However, I do not resent other women for being more attractive (or thinner) than I am. I am quick to compliment a beautiful woman without any strings attached. And I have been met with either rudeness (as if I am trying to pick up on her! LOL!) or by complete shock and gushing thanks.

What I find disturbing is a trend where people choose their friends based upon attractiveness, whether it is to not have competition or surround themselves with beauty. How weird is it that one would choose a friend on this “asset” alone? What ever happened to personality, trust, generosity, same interests? Some people actually chose what they feel is a group of less attractive friends so they will receive the attention and adoration of others without competition. Issues.

I would check out the article and if you could, can you tell me any stories you have where you have noticed a dip in esteem because of your surroundings? I know I am not the only person that is at least somewhat affected by my environment. I would love to hear from you!
I blog daily here: http://www.mycosmeticsurgeryblog.com