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IT WAS EVIDENT FROM the beginning of my career, that the women who wrote to me seeking my advice concerning the emotive turmoil in their romantic relationships, at some point in those romantic relationships, had relinquished their devotion in Making Love to their man as an expression of passion for him and the taking of pleasure in him, to that of a bargaining chip and a ruse to use in opposition of him.

What predominantly alarmed me as the letters steadily came and the years continued to progress, was that while the overall circumstances were frequently different, the end results were always the same: sweet glistening love had eroded into a decayed contaminated indifference, and Making Love to their man was demoted to merely sex with Just Him, and another I-have-to in their romantic relationship.

Each of the women who came to me for advise felt a permanent emotional disconnection from their man, but none of these women understood 'The Why' that had proceeded that emotional disconnection~~~and what complicated my quest in seeking to identify this dilemma that was happening to so many woman in their romantic relationships, was that I researched books and articles published by countless relationship experts who knew a great deal more than I did, and never once did I find a single reference from any of those experts to even as much as a recognition of 'The Why', let alone an answer to it.

Long after these letters from women seeking my advice on how to repair the loss-of-intimacy in their romantic relationships had filled my post office box and email address, I became very involved in a serious romantic relationship; the first, since my days in college. One evening my man did That Something for about the zillionth time, and this feeling within me came from the inside out, and contemptuously erupted. He never listened, he never understood, he had the brain of a genius and the common sense of a moron and I was going to make him pay until he finally fucking got it.

The words I spewed at him were out of my mouth and set-off, and as I stabbed my frustration repeatedly into his heart, I unexpectedly identified 'The Why': that there is a turning point in every romantic relationship where the woman makes a conscience choice to sever the intimate connection she has with her man, and make that connection a bargaining chip and a ruse to use in opposition of him, and no longer in sweetness and devotion in Making Love to him.

From the moment a woman chooses in anger and frustration and in blame and loathing, to sever that bond-of-intimacy, everything she does with her man in their physical relationship becomes encrusted by her female poison as it gradually leaks into her heart and contaminates her love for him. I have traced this choice of one woman and the demise of her romantic relationship, as far back as a pile of sweaty underwear, t-shirt and dirty socks that her husband had dropped onto a recently mopped bathroom floor one too many times.

Every woman knows that it is so much easier to spew her female poison at a man than to own-up to what it will take to extract it. But what most women have never understood, is that this is 'The Why' of the loss-of-intimacy in their romantic relationships.

The world is full of men, and their many manly transgressions are as common in every romantic relationship as a cold is in winter.

Men don’t call when they are supposed to. Men toss their brown-tracked underwear on the floor instead of taking time to make it into a laundry basket. Men don’t want to miss a poker night with the boys because their sweetie has the flu. Men feed the kids pizza and soda and allow them to stay up too late on a school night. Men can memorize every NBA team score that is flashed on Fox Sports, yet they never remember how many boxes of juice to pick-up from the grocery store, even when it is written down on a detailed list. And every woman adds-up her man’s transgressions, and when she has finally had enough, she severs the emotional bond she has with him~~~in the bedroom. She brings all her female poison: her anger and frustration and her blame and loathing, and she lays it on the bed between herself and her man. And gradually, over time, sweet glistening love erodes into decayed contaminated indifference.

Keep your female poison out of the bedroom. It is 'The Why' of the loss-of-intimacy in your romantic relationship. You can find so many clever ways to make him understand what you need from him without irreversibly damaging that intimate bond.

Women are the reason love happens.

We are increasingly the reason why it ends.

Taken from:
"Creative Screwing: a woman's guide to becoming an erotic enchantress of superlustful sex"

Copyright 2007/2008/2009 Nannette LaRee Hernandez