j2parks member for 23 weeks 1 day Send a message

The summer going to my junior year of highschool I lost it. My virginity. It was my choice; painful and irritating too say the least. Skip a couple of guys (cough) and I found my first love. He taught me how to enjoy sex and I taught myself with a couple of key movements the BIG O! After four years with someone four years older than me we had more sex than should be allowed. Being the age he was he wanted sex all the time and being the age I was I didn't say no (I thought it was the thing to do) So after the looong overdo break up; it was my second year of college and time to date.

Sex in college was me finding out that WE have all the power AND if used correctly we could have anything we want. Now don't let me sound so much like a prostitute but let's just say for the first time in my life I was in control of all my relatinships. Yes I said it, I had a team of about 5 or 6 guys. I was only sleeping with one on a normal basis and the rest would either occassionally get some or none at all (it was the idea that they would that kept them around). I did it! I finally learned how to have sex and date like 'men' you know the stereotype that women are more emotional and men are attached. That was me. I didn't care about hardly any of them. The craziest thing was that was when I got more 'I love yous' then ever. So for the remaining 2 and a half years I could either go with or without sex.

A typical night...#1 would come over I would get mine as quick as possible then watch him as he panted away in amazement of how good 'it' was. I would smile inside knowing that I could get him like this. It was more a pride stroker then anything else, and the 'O' was good but predictable. (I kept him for the longest, promised orgasm everytime )

Once I graduated and moved I changed my number and forgot about all of them. Fast forward a year and a half later; I'm married! Now this is the first time Sex has been introduced to intimacy for me. My feelings affect my sex drive which makes me crazy for him. I want to have sex all the time. And not just to watch me control him or just to 'get minez' but to actually feel his body on top of mine, to smell his cologne on my lips, to make him smile. And I still get the big "O" ( had to marry this one)

Now the karma of it all is throughout my 8 years of screwing I've never wanted anyone more, sexually. And in those 8 years I've never met a man where sex wasn't a big deal. Probably 3 or 4 times a weeks is good for him. Which is killing me. All these years of perfecting my craft, teasing, and dealing with a man's sexual drive I have found a man where it doesn't matter! How did that happen?

Sex isn't just sex for me, with him. It's intimate and I finally know what that means. But have to hold on to all those feelings until he's in the mood! My exact words last night were "You're a man you're always suppose to be in the mood" He corrected me and I went to sleep.

I have a secret and I didn't know if I should talk about it with you all but I figure you can balance my mind. I masturbated for the first time (since marriage don't be crazy) last week. I kinda felt bad! Should I have? or is that normal for married women to masturbate? I should remove my picture!

Anyway I was thinking about this blog last night on my way to sleep (no sex) and how because I truely love my husband I want more sex with him than ever. At first I thought it was my age...nope I'm 24 not the peak sex age but it's the love. And now I have to deal with these feelings and frustration by taking up....yoga!