member for 25 weeks 10 hours
I have debated over and over about whether to post this or not, as it is a very personal subject. But I figure I need some advice from mature women who have been there and done that. I am too nervous to talk to my parents or anyone else about it; aren't you the lucky ones? ;o)
So, down to the story. My boyfriend and I have been having sex for about a year. We have been each other's only sexual partners. We love one another very much, and are willing to do almost anything sexually. And I say almost anything because there is a definite limit.
After a little more than a year of losing my virginity, it still hurts when we have sex.
He has been really understanding and we now achieve orgasm through other means. But I am frustrated with myself and he has expressed his frustrations also. At times I let him into me, but at those times it either hurts or feels uncomfortable. And he does not like doing that when he can tell I'm not enjoying it.
I had planned to tell the gynecologist about this issue; my first appointment was a couple days ago. And I completely forgot to ask her why it would still hurt after a year. Talk about frustration X 10. My check-up went fine; visually nothing is wrong and I am getting the test results back in a week or so. My gynecologist said I look perfectly healthy down there. I almost wish something was wrong so that I could have something to blame it on!!!
Yes, I do use lubricant, or let him into me after I am aroused enough. I have tried two types of lubricant and they both feel like they burn down there. Even if I am aroused, it still feels slightly uncomfortable. A couple times the sex has almost felt pleasurable, but that's it.
I get so frustrated because everyone else has sex "the regular way" and the couple both enjoy it. Why can't I? I realize that my options now are to:
A) Talk to my dad (my doctor!) about it - very uncomfortable situation.
B) Make an appointment with my dad's PA, whom I know personally and WOULD NOT feel comfortable telling this information to.
C) Wait until my test results come in, then talk to my father about it, or set up another appointment with the gynecologist.
I am really leaning toward the C option, but my boyfriend is scared something may be wrong down there and he wants me to tell my father very soon. Aghhh!!!!
Help?
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Login or register to post a commentPain during sex
Wow your dad is your doctor? I would be really uncomfortable about that also.
Pain during sex can indicate a number of things, including the fact that you may have a smaller vaginal region then normal, you could have a cyst, a serious yeast infection or an STD.
I would not put off going to see a gyno, even if its someone who is not within the family circle, and probably that would be your best option. Do you have a women's clinic near you? Or a free clinic where you can go and have a visit with a doctor who isn't so personally involved? Pain during sex, while not anything to be terrified about, is certainly an indicator that something isn't quite right, and should be looked into immediately.
Cher Carter
"Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish"
CEO Carters-company.com
I agree! Thanks for the
I agree! Thanks for the advice
"Be the change you wish to see in the world." - Gandhi
http://greendreamsveva.blogspot.com/
http://thegreenhoneybee.com
You are not alone...
First, I think it is a good sign that you just had an exam and all looked good, but I agree that talking to a sex-positive health worker may help a lot. Your pops may be a doctor, but unless he is trained specially in woman sexuality, I'd save yourself the awkwardness of bringing it up to him and find an expert.
A lot of women out there suffer from painful intercourse and there are ways to help it. If it is not a symptom of a larger problem, some women find relief from dilating.. using dilators, dildos or vibrators in a successive series of sizes (working from small to large) to become more comfortable with penetration. You can find helpful information on the subject here http://www.vaginismus-awareness-network.org/
As for the lube, a lot of commercial lube that is available in the grocery or drug store has ingredients that can cause irritation. I strongly suggest going to s woman-oriented sex shop or visiting some place reputable online and get some glycerin-free or silicone lube. Liquid Silk, Amorist, Slippery Stuff and Sliquid H2O are all very gentle on female bodies and rarely cause reactions. Be aware too that if you are using condoms, you may be having a reaction to the latex or the lube used on the condom. And even if you are rev'd up and self-lubricated, it might be a good idea to use a little more lube, just to make it as easy as possible. Also, perhaps if he tried inserting some fingers inside you (along with some nice clitoral stimulation) before you attempt intercourse, you might find it easier to relax and take more in. There is no such thing as too much foreplay!
Ok and one more thing... Because it hurt and you expect it to hurt, you could be subconsciously tensing up before insertion , so try very hard to relax and go slow... maybe even try spending some along time with a slim vibe or dildo so you can get used to the feeling of something inside without having the extra worry that your BF will be disappointed or feel bad.
Phew.. sorry to be so long-winded!
xoxo,
Searah
Sex Educator
Early 2Bed
www.Early2Bed.com
Oh wow, thank you SO MUCH
Oh wow, thank you SO MUCH for that link!!! As I was reading the website I began tearing up a bit because I can relate to everything exactly. I talk to my boyfriend about it and he agrees it definitely has something to do with involuntary muscle spasm.
You have been so much help, thank you once again
"Be the change you wish to see in the world." - Gandhi
http://greendreamsveva.blogspot.com/
http://thegreenhoneybee.com
Looking forward
I am looking forward to your blog that says "I could finally enjoy it; it didn't hurt last night".
Energy follows thought so put that out there
xoxo Anje
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best" -
Marilyn Monroe
i agree
it could just be an allergic reaction to the ingredients in the lube or the latex in the condom
i've heard about that from some girls i know
it can cause alot of irritaion, burning, swelling and pain
hope all goes well with the test results
-Jessica Trev