member for 28 weeks 4 days
Here's a story of how sometimes it's not always the gorgeous people who win, and how dates are more than movies and dinner. It's a great tale about a short but fantastic romance in the purist sense of the word. Nothing physical - just perfection.
A Blue Dress that Always Sparks a Memory
Put it on
I can feel so much
Put it on
I don't need to touch
Put it on
Here before my eyes
Put it on
Because you realise
And you believe
I have always adored those lyrics. So basic and yet so... something else. I love writing like that - writing that gets at the base of desire in such a basic way.
The song is Blue Dress by Martin Gore, off the Depeche Mode album Violator, the best release they ever put out. That song always makes me think of someone, and of this story.
I was seventeen, and one of my best friends was (and still is) Travis. Travis is a fantastic girl in every way. She is beautiful in a way that I will never be; not that I'm unattractive, just that my qualities are different from hers. She has this amazing personality - vibrant and so, so funny. She is very intelligent, and during our high school years was popular beyond belief. The boys flocked to her at a pace I couldn't comprehend, and she enjoyed the attention; I once remember helping her do damage control when she accidentally arranged for three dates with three different guys on the same night(!). At the time, I think a part of me wanted to be her, and desperately wondered what it was like to exist the way that she did.
She could get a date with anyone. Anyone at all. All she needed to do was drop the hint and they'd ask her out. Except one. One guy saw her only as a friend, no matter how hard she tried to convince him it could be - should be - more. She talked to me about this at length, boggling over how he couldn't see past the friendship, about how he tried to set her up with his friends, and how she allowed him to do it so that she could be near him more. It really tore at her.
One night, with no date for once, Travis asked me to go with her to visit David. I'd never really met this enigmatic guy who held her at arm's length, and I was interested in discovering what the fuss was about, so I decided to go with her. We arrived at his house, this amazingly large mansion, and knocked on the door. His mother answered, and she told us that her son wasn't home but that he'd be home soon and she was sure he'd want to see us, so she invited us in - and then she simply left us there, in the foyer, alone. We went upstairs and found his room, looked around it a bit. There were Depeche Mode posters in his room, and Travis and I chatted about the group for a bit, because Violator had just come out and it was a really fantastic album in many respects. We went back downstairs and walked about, and I don't think we ever ran into his mother again.
Eventually, David arrived, and he had his cousin in tow. The first thing that struck me was that he wasn't as handsome as most of the guys Travis went out with. I couldn't really figure out what it was about him that tormented her so, at least at first glance. He was delighted to see Travis, greeted her very warmly, and asked how long we'd been there. We told him over half an hour, and admitted that we'd been in his room. We complimented him on the leather underwear we found in his dresser drawer, and he took the joke well (we hadn't actually gone through any of his things, of course). He asked if we'd stay for a movie. I don't remember what we watched, I don't remember much about that part of the evening, except that I suddenly found David sitting incredibly close to me.
As we went to leave at the end of the evening, he once again tried to fix Travis up, this time with his cousin. She politely shrugged off the idea, and got in the car to go. David took my hand, told me he'd really enjoyed meeting me, and then he did something completely unexpected - he kissed me. I was so taken aback that I just let it happen, and sort of lost myself in it somehow. There was this semi-awkward moment of looking in each other's eyes, and I mumbled something in parting before joining Travis in the car.
And that's when it hit me. This was the guy she wanted more than anything. The one guy she could never get, and I had kissed him right in front of her. She said something akin to, "Congratulations, Jacqueline. You just accomplished in one evening what I've wanted for two years." She drove me home in silence. There are few moments in my life where I've felt as horrible as I did that night.
After thinking it through for a few days, Travis forgave me, and she told me that if he called I should pursue it, that he was a great guy and since she obviously couldn't have him, I might as well explore it. A few weeks went by, and I hadn't heard from him, and I was delighted. He'd caused enough trouble between Travis and I, and I was glad to have it behind me.
And then one day he phoned, a completely unexpected turn of events, and asked me out. Now, I wasn't terribly attracted to this guy, but my best friend was. Despite that, and only the Fates know why, but I accepted the date. It turned out to be one of the best decisions of my entire life.
I remember only shadows of the date from seventeen years ago. Feelings, thoughts. I can't tell you the specifics of what we discussed because I don't remember. But I'll tell you what I carry with me from that night.
He picked me up at my home - my very small home not in the rich section of town - and he never said a word about it, something on which most well-to-do boys chose to comment. He took me to this really dark, semi-seedy part of town and parked at the end of an ally; I was a little bit worried about the location, but I trusted that he knew something I didn't. He walked me to a brick building and opened the door, and I was amazed to discover that it was a small Italian restaurant. I don't remember there being a sign outside. Very Godfatheresque in that respect. We had cappuccino and chocolate mousse. We talked.
Eventually we left and he drove me out to his house. We sat in a room, at a table adjacent to a window, with the lights out save for a candle. We watched the sunset. We talked.
Then we went to his room. I had to be crazy to go to his room with him, it being a first date, but I did. He put on soft piano music, got a book off the shelf, lit a new candle, and asked me to lie on the bed. There was something so different to this, something so atypical of your average teenage boy, something so intriguing in his voice and his manner. And so I did. I laid back on the bed. And he read to me. He had me close my eyes and he helped me meditate to a place that I still remember vividly.
In my mind, I stood on a stone balcony, feeling a light breeze in my hair. Stars and moon above lit a courtyard below. In the center of the courtyard was a pool filled with azure blue water, and upon its surface were hundreds of red rose petals. I turned and walked down the steps from the balcony to the courtyard. I undressed at the pool side and dove into the water, slicing it perfectly. I swam beneath the surface, watched moonlight play in the water, saw the shadows of petals on the bottom of the pool. I enjoyed the water for quite a while, taking in its scent, its temperature, its feeling against my skin.
I nearly fell asleep, but not quite. I was sort of in this odd place between reality and dreams.
And then he took my hand and said, "Come on, it's time I took you home."
He kissed me again at the door to my house, and that was the end of the best date in my life.
I never went out with him again. And for some reason, I didn't care. It was that moment in time that was so perfect, and we both knew that it was best to just leave it at that. We saw each other in public, and he did phone once, a year later, when I was off at university, and in that phone call he invited me to come spend the weekend with him in Chicago. I declined, and I don't regret it.
¯¯¯¯
So, fellow AlphaWomen, I'd love it if you were willing to share the best date you ever had...
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Login or register to post a commentNovember Garden
When I was in undergrad I read a very witty column once a week written by a student I only knew by name. I anticipated this column every Wednesday and read it faithfully.
One day (switch gears for a moment) I was walking down the hall of my dorm and I passed this collegiate, Jeff Goldblum looking kind of guy who I was instantly attracted to. He had wavy hair big brown eyes and wore the hottest tortoise shell glasses. (I love the sexy/nerdy guys) I didn't know who he was but I literally blushed when I saw him. I didn't have the courage to say anything, but hoped that I'd have a chance to meet him somehow.
A few days later I picked up the school paper to read my favorite column and sure enough, this week a photo accompanied the name!!! The hot nerdy guy was the columnist!!! It was fate. I knew that somehow I had to meet him. It was approaching the end of the semester and I still hadn't gotten the courage to talk to him. A friend who worked at my dorm's front desk actually maneuvered the most amazing feat. She made sure that I was the R.A. who would "Check out" this particular resident from his dorm during move out day. It was perfect. We had small talk while I examined his empty drawers and mattress. His wit and charm made an awkward situation so fun and I knew that I wanted to get to know him more. The only problem...it was the summer and both of us lived in different cities.
When I moved home, I seriously pinned his last article (with his photo) on my wall knowing that if I ever talked to him again, there would be a love connection. When I went back to school in the fall I was an R.A. in a new building with a new staff. I met one of the new R.A.'s and started talking small talk. He asked what building I lived in the year before and when I told him he said, Oh, my best friend Matt F. lived in that building. I immediately blushed, and he saw it! Matt F is your best friend? I tried to say calmly. My co-R.A. said, "Yes, do you know him?" I explained that I was a big fan of his column and that I "checked him out" of his dorm room at the end of last semester. My R.A. friend responded, THAT WAS YOU???? As if he had already heard about the encounter. My heart was beating so fast, but I was trying to stay cool. My R.A. friend got this gleam in his eye and suggested he orchestrate a reunion. I was so anxiety ridden at this time, I just didn't know how to respond. I think I just tried to play it cool. One day that week while I was putting up bulletin boards and making name tags until the wee hours of the morning, my R.A. friend brought Matt onto my floor for the reunion. I was sleep deprived, unshowered, and unkempt. I could have KILLED Jeff! I was a bit short with them, pretending like I had so much work to do. After that, I figured I'd never see Matt again. Two whole weeks go by and I get a phone call.
Me: "Hello?"
Caller: "Hello, is Danielle there?"
Me: "This is Danielle."
Caller: "Oh, hi, this is Matt Ferrence."
Me: (heart beating like a rabbit) Oh, hi how are you?"
Caller: "Good, good. Um, I hope you don't mind me calling you. I got your number from Jeff."
Me: "No, I don't mind at all. What's up?"
Caller: "Well, I was calling because I have a question I'd like to ask you." (in a very formal tone)
Me: "Okay (curiously) what is it?"
Caller: "I know it's last minute, but I was too nervous to ask you sooner, but I have tickets to see an opera tonight and was wondering if you'd be interested in being my date."
Me: (Dying inside) "Oh, sure I'd love to go! Oh, wait no."
Caller: "Oh, ok, that's ok then..."
Me: "NO, I mean yes! Well, I mean, I have to work tonight, but I can find someone to switch! Let me make sure I can find someone to take my shift and then I'll call you right back."
Caller: "Oh, ok great!"
I hung up the phone, threatened a co-worker with bodily harm to take my shift, and I went to see The Barber of Seville with Matt Ferrence. We had an amazing time. It was a misty fall night and wet leaves covered the sidewalks of campus. I broke the ice by expressing my fear of slipping on the leaves during our first date! On the way home we stopped for dessert, then turned a 10 minute walk into an hour long walk. He picked a flower for me on the way home and gave me the sweetest kiss goodnight.
Months later, he wrote me a poem about that night;
In a November Garden by Matt Ferrence
When shopping at a florist
things are difficult
roses, carnations, tulips, sunflowers
all in colors
red, yellow, and white
all with green stem
all alive and beckoning.
To choose one... is to guess.
Even those flowers that are not beautiful may appear so.
---it's all in the arrangement
Such is not the way in the early November garden.
In a patch of green and brown
a simple touch
of color...
While winter colds sweep in from North
While summer's warmth moves to warmer lands
only the strong
only the beautiful
shine
Only one spot kissed with color
In the November Garden.
MJF 1996
I smiled
I smiled so many times while reading that, D - thank you so, so much for sharing that with me.
- Jacqueline
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"Ce qui fait la nuit en nous peut laisser en nous les étoiles." ~ V. Hugo
That's how I felt when I
That's how I felt when I read yours! This is a great idea!
I like hearing other people's favorite dates!
"I paint my own reality." -Frida Kahlo
Wow those are great stories.
Wow those are great stories. Danielle, whatever came of Matt F? I am so curious to know now!
I wish I had some great dating stories but I don't. I had mostly disasters. That being said, my best story is this year. My best friend out of nowhere got an epiphany that she wanted to introduce me to another one of her friends/co-workers. He was single, available and normal. I was excited. We all met at his house for pre-drinks before we went to dinner. I was late, I am always late, and I had just run into the married man that I was emotionally involved with and my heart sank. I got home and cried and then determined that I was getting over this, taking back my heart and I was going to be available to someone who cared about me.
I went on this date with a very open, positive attitude. When I showed up at his house I had a million things running through my mind and I had no idea what this guy looked like or what he would be like and I have been on many blind dates before that didn't go so well. But, I trusted my best friend and her taste. So, when I knocked on the door and he answered I wasn't expecting to much except to have the best damn time ever regardless of what he was like.
Amazingly, when we met eyes there was a small spark. It wasn't a lightening bult nor was it like sticking my hand into an electrical socket but it was something! In fact, had there been a feeling similar to an electrical storm I would have been scared due to the fact that every time I have had those type of feelings in the past it is a complete disaster.
When I got there, there were two other girls and I was confused. I was like WHAT! Did she not know he had a girlfriend or what?! I pulled her aside and asked her what was up and it turned out to be his flat mate and her friend was in from out of town. I was immediately relieved.
Because of everything I have been through I am very skeptical of men. I have just had some bad experiences that leave me very untrusting and cynical so I kept him at arms length and wasn't really looking for anything. We went to dinner and it wasn't until half way through our dinner conversation and a bottle of wine that I really started to feel more of an attraction or chemistry. So much so that when dinner was over and my best friends were going to go home, he wanted to know if I would accompany him to the "HairBangers Ball" for a friends birthday party.
Now if you know me I dislike bars and it is very rare that I stay out past midnight. BUT there was something about this guy and the mindset that I was in that I just wanted to SURPRISE myself and go out of my own comfort zone and be exciting and edgy so I said, "YES!"
Well we got there and not knowing what to expect, he introduced me to his friends and then sorta disappeared, coming back frequently to check on me. I met some cool people, the music was music I hadn't listened to in YEARS (for a reason) and all in all it was a great time. I really enjoyed myself despite all of my self-imposed limitations.
What I loved the most about him and when I knew he was a keeper was when I told him I had to go to the bathroom and he went with me, holding my hand the entire way, waited for me and then held my hand back to where we were standing.
Later on that night he ended up behind me and the next thing I knew he was softly touching my hair. OMG. I have so many nerve endings in my hair and it is my greatest weakness. I love having my hair played with. I can feel even the slightest touch or breath and he was ever so careful and gentle touching my hair, and smelling it, rubbing his face against it. It was very subtle and my knees went weak. Then he softly grabbed my hand. My heart was beating out of my chest and I was very excited. This was huge for me because that doesn't happen often.
I remember at that moment he was standing directly behind me and I leaned up against him and turned my head and our lips met. I remember that first kiss and just standing there as if time was suspended just for our moment.
I was a little buzzed, I know he was too and he said, "Are you ready to go." It was almost 4am. I hadn't stayed out 'til 4am in YEARS! I can't even remember the last time I stayed out that late. I said I was ready to go home and when we got in the taxi, he wanted me to sit right next to him and then made me put my seatbelt on, which I had never done before.
At some point we agreed that it was a good idea to spend the night together but we were just going to "cuddle." Umm okay, we did cuddle for about 5 minutes and well I did the unthinkable! I slept with him on the first date!! The biggest dating NO NO in the book! I have never cuddled with someone who likes touching and cuddling as much as I do. That night and every night since he holds me tight. If he isn't holding me we are holding hands in our sleep.
In the heat of the moment there is no regret and when the morning came around I just figured I had made a big mistake and was ready to do the walk of shame through the lobby to the cab and through my lobby up to my condo. This is where he completely won my heart over forever. He wouldn't let me go home.
I remember saying, "Look it is okay, you don't have to feel bad and keep me around just to try to be nice. In fact, I would prefer that you just send me on my way so I don't get attached to you." He didn't say anything and asked me if I could hang out for the day. I was so taken aback I didn't know what to do or say.
We went for breakfast, we hung out at his house, we went for a walk, I helped him pack because he was leaving for a week to Australia and he didn't want to leave my side. He even took a cab to my house before heading to the airport. We talked a lot that day. We talked about things that most peolple start talking about in month 4, 5 or even 12 months. Do you want kids? Do you want to get married ever? And things of such nature. We covered a lot of ground that day.
Now I can assure you I WAS NOT that great in bed so I know that wasn't it and I couldn't figure this guy out. So I stopped trying and I just relished in the moment. He held my hand all the time, he was always touching me, like the little touch on the hand, or the back or my head just to acknowledge my presence.
I fell head over heels that day. He left for a week and I was so nervous about his return and if things would remain like that or change. I remember calling my best friend and saying to her "Is this guy for real? What are his issues?" She laughed a lot.
When he got back, he called me from the train and we ended up going out that night for dinner. I can't tell you, it must have been about two weeks before my nerves calmed down and I finally gave up on the idea that the shoe was going to fall. He is still the same to this day. He is the longest boy I have dated and he gets me. We do drive each other crazy the more we get to know each other but I just like being with him. I enjoy his company and frankly, when we are apart I am bored out of my mind. I would rather spend the day debating with him then to do anything else. Most of the time we just make fun of each other and laugh a lot. He makes me laugh.
Since I have met him I have seen things I have never seen, explored places, food and experiences that I would have never sought out myself. I truly enjoy his friendship and I enjoy talking to him. I have a tremendous amount of respect for him and can't imagine my life without him in it.
The other night I told him that even though there wasn't a huge explosion when we met, I feel more for him now then any man I have had a huge chemical explosion with. At first blush you would think that we are so opposite but we really balance each other out. Everything I am not I appreciate in him. I can't speak for him regarding me, but I would hope that our differences challenge each other and keep things exciting.
This is my best love story and I hope it is my last.
That's fantastic!
That's a fantastic story, Freda - thank you! It made me think back to the first time I met my partner and to that subtle but amazing energy that flowed between us that day.
- Jacqueline
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"Ce qui fait la nuit en nous peut laisser en nous les étoiles." ~ V. Hugo
Thanks Jacq. It was fun
Thanks Jacq. It was fun writing about it. Thanks for this post it is good to relish in the good memories that we have. I liked this exercise!
xoxo,
Freda
Matt F and I ended up
Matt F and I ended up breaking up, but it was the healthiest breakup ever. There were some things that wouldn't have allowed us to work. He was a rural dweller and I am a city girl. We understood our differences and cared about each other to let each other go. He ended up marrying a year later and is still married. That relationship taught me what a healthy relationship was. I never went back to bullshit relationships or bad communication after that.
"I paint my own reality." -Frida Kahlo
Best Date
You know, I've never had a "first, favorite, best" date. Some beautiful moments, yes, but nothing that really swept me away as a first date. My most memorable and lovely experience was with the man I am with now.
We had been dating for about two months, and we were so incredibly close to one another. We could say anything to the other and know exactly what was meant. It seemed we read each others thoughts and feelings. He'd never had sex before, and admitted to me that I was the first girl he ever really loved. I'd never had sex either, and I felt the same way about him. I was so scared things were going to go wrong, because everything was going perfectly. We would make out for hours without having sex, and we both wanted more. So the weekend of Valentine's Day we decided to do the deed.
I was so nervous and scared. He booked an expensive hotel room and brought me a dozen roses. "I want your first time to be great, perfect," he said. "But if at any point you don't want it, just tell me. I don't want to hurt you or make you uncomfortable." That made me melt. I have met many men who are all about themselves, and he was just so caring and considerate, I thought I was in a dream. A good one.
We went to the grocery store and bought nuts and fruits that we could feed to each other, along with the most expensive condoms. We went back to the hotel and god, I was so nervous that I started fumbling through the hotel manual, reading the tornado escape routes. He waited until I calmed down. I will not, of course, go into detail, but that night was truly special. He was the first person that made me feel absolutely gorgeous with or without my clothes on. I found his ticklish spots and he found mine, and we laughed ourselves to sleep. When we woke up, it was snowing beautifully outside, the sparkly kind of snow.
Beautiful!
That was so touching and beautiful, G - thank you for being willing to share it with the rest of us.
- Jacqueline
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"Ce qui fait la nuit en nous peut laisser en nous les étoiles." ~ V. Hugo