member for 28 weeks 6 days
Have you ever considered the fact that there are less men than women on the planet right now? Well, I have. What speaks to me is the desire to have a man in my life-but not 24/7...
Let me tell you a little story. There once was a woman (me) who went on a quest to find a good man, a strong man, a funny man, a sensual man. Two and a half years ago, she found him. The finding was so very random, practical strangers in the same office in a huge city like NYC. (In fact it was NYC.) The sparks were there, and before we knew it, we were spending almost all of our time together, and actually started a fledgling real estate company together.
I knew he was married from the beginning, and would have never thought of crossing the line...but this man hit me on so many other levels, that it was a compromise I could live with, and have.
The beauty of our relationship is that we both know that the other is there for us, we are more than best friends, and as a matter of fact, we have recently agreed to the following "unconditional conditions"...
Conditions for Unconditional Obedience
1 Obedience to me when required.
2 To forgive my mistakes with ease.
3 To live without resentment towards me.
4 To always be honest, but never cruel.
5 To be a gentle king (queen), not a mean one.
6 To ask me what I need in order to be obedient.
7 To never assume.
8 To reward my obedience.
9 To never punish my need to be free for a while.
10 To deserve my trust in your judgment.
Conditions for Unconditional Love
1 To let me love you as much as I want.
2 To be able to admit intensity and not run from it.
3 To be positive about love in all forms.
4 To think more about each moment.
5 To contact me when I cross your mind.
6 To like my surprises.
7 To surprise me.
8 To be warm and relaxed towards me.
9 To listen to me without interrupting.
10 To soar above conventional attitudes about relationships.
Now...to some of you this might be archaic. To some of you this might be emotional adultery. But before you turn off your computer, or condemn this situation think for a minute. I am a single woman, who is having an enriching relationship on my terms. I know he is married, his wife-who is in the middle of a double masters and working a job-knows that we love one another and that we would never hurt her by pushing the limits of our relationship. I have asked to neither be a sanctuary nor a distraction from their primary relationship. They travel together, and we(he and I)are talking about planning a trip together this July for the first time.
I am not afraid of whatever the consequences might be- neither is he. I love his wife. She is a dear person. However, I have to accept, and maybe we all should, that we can receive joy and satisfaction in non-traditional ways nowadays, and I am willing to explore that.
I don't need a man all day everyday. Most of you will admit that willingly. If you could have a man's best moments, all his attention and concentration, his companionship and his willingness to treat you well-really well, would you not take it? Even if he was giving the same affection and attentiveness to another woman and she was agreeable?
What I have is a non-traditional situation, and it works for me. I would venture to say it works for them too, or I would be out the door! But, as it stands, I am going to be spending two weeks in June with them and then we (he and I) plan to go on our trip to Miami with his friends-sans wife...
Dorothy? Could this be the solution to upended marriages? Time will tell...
Comments
Login or register to post a commentnot to judge...but it seems
not to judge...but it seems like settling (especially on the "wife's" part).
Skeptical
On paper, it sounds like a compelling, and like you said, an unconventional way of living, and from what you say it is working for everyone involved. I admire that the wife is in the know. I think it takes an immense amount of courage and maturity to be in the circumstance you are in.
BUT, in my heart of hearts, I believe that life and human emotions are much more organic and unpredictable than conditional or unconditional conditions, and therefore subject to change. I am curious to see how your situation works out in the long run and I'd be even MORE curious to read a blog written by the wife;-)
Kudos to you though for being honest and open about your needs and courageous enough to challenge social norms.
I couldn't agree more. You
I couldn't agree more. You took the words out of my mouth. I to would like to see a blog written by the wife. Maybe she doesn't care at all. To me that seems like she isn't very invested in the relationship emotionally, maybe it is more like a business deal.
Anyway, I applaud you for your honesty and putting yourself out on the line. I also am curious to see how it all works out.
I am wondering if we are going to see more and more of these types of relationships considering the huge gap between single, straight men and single, straight women.
Great post.
Freda
Confusing. Arcane.
I appreciate your sharing this story. It is confusing in a sense of how does it fit within society as a concept. Arcane rules, but glad that you included them in your post.
My thought is that this should be defined by the individuals involved in that specific arrangement, and that they need to negotiate it. It has to be a strong, honest relationship. Women have to make sure they stick up for themselves, too.
Well.........
Who am I to judge? I've been married for 15 years...and secrectly....I wish another woman would take my hubby off my hands for a couple days...LOL!