This is an absolutely fantastic question: Has anyone else's sex drive gone into OVERDRIVE at 40? Is this normal?

Yes, it is completely normal. I have been wanting to answer this question since I saw it posted. However, I would like the clear my head from business, drink some fabulous wine, collect my thoughts and respond.

Just so you know, a woman typically sexually peaks in her late 30's and from what Gail Sheehy says, (author of Sex and the Seasoned Woman) it is only up from there.

As one woman put it: "Women are just hitting their stride at about 40. We are peaking emotionally, spiritually,sexually and intellectually. We are still growing. Men stopped 10 years ago. So while we are evolving into higher beings, they are left holding their dicks wondering what the hell happened."

According to Marti Barletta, author of Marketing to Women, women go through a "biological jujitsu." She says that men and women change attitudinally over the development stages of their lives. In other words, both genders undergo a "fifth decade hormone flip." It completely changes the way in which we interact with each other. At some point after 40, women become more assertive, taking on some of our male counterparts traits, while men become more relationship oriented leaving behind many of their combative, aggressive tendencies of their youth. In a study done by Grey Advertising, eight out of ten women said they "feel stronger and more confident as they grow older." They embrace their age, they are more secure and they are not searching for the eternal fountain of youth.

The reason: around 40, women's testosterone levels increase while her estrogen levels decrease and men's do just the opposite: their estrogen increases, while their testosterone decreases causing them to mellow out becoming more family and relationship oriented. Apparently one of the biggest functions of estrogen is to mask or dampen the effects of testosterone, when they flip flop women go through an "unmasking." She says, that without estrogen to suppress the testosterone, it manifests itself in the form of greater assertiveness and self-confidence (you can find this on page 269).

Along with that thought, as we get older, more confident, more secure, we also know what we want and are less afraid to speak up about it. We want sex for different reasons now that we are no longer under the pressure of our "mommy clock" and desire to nest. We want passion, we want romance and we want sex. Many of us are freed up from small children responsibilities and are ready to play.

Many women I have spoken with at this point have bought a "rabbit" to help alleviate their burning desire for sex. Instead of begging for sex, they have taken their sex into their own hands and are coming into their own right.

Don't fret if you are in your late 30's or 40's and you don't want sex. STRESS is a huge killer for women's sex drive and as Alpha women who are busy, we tend to be stressed (and for that matter men too). Diet and exercise play a huge role in your sexual drive too. Many women also find that they aren't attracted to their significant other anymore.

If any men happen to be reading this, I would like to share a few tips that might get your more sex in the future. Take care of yourself, exercise, go to the gym, keep your nails clean (hands and toenails), wear cologne, dress nice. I hate when I hear people say that men are so visual and women aren't. That is the biggest crock. I am so visual. I am stimulated through site and smell. Do yourself a favor, CLEAN UP!. Coming home smelling like cigar smoke, and alcohol on your breath is not going to get you a passionate kiss much less a good romp in the hay.

So, in an effort to answer your question, our sex drives peak in our late thirties and continues well into our fifties, sixties, seventies and some women.........well into their eighties. We are more confident and secure with ourselves (hopefully) that we allow ourselves to actually enjoy sex. We are more open to discovering what we like (if we haven't figured it out yet) and it isn't about the man anymore.

I hope that helps you to feel more normal about your sex drive! Embrace this new found excitement and put it to good use!!

Click here to read part 2 of this with Dr. Sonia Borg - Sexologist

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