Sex With Your Ex?!

Take our poll: Would You Have Sex With Your Ex?

Freda Says: Sex with an ex......hmmmm.....this is a tough question to answer. Well I have to honestly say I have never had sex with any ex. When I terminate a relationship, it is over, done, finished and the thought of jumping back in between the sheets with him would seem to be a challenge for me no matter how horny I have been.

I do remember there was one guy who I ended up visiting almost a year after we broke up. I flew in to meet him and had the expectations or the possibility that we would reignite the tiny flame and end up having mad passionate sex. Yet, even though we slept in the same bed, with all of our clothes on, nothing happened. I must admit I thought it was a bit strange that he wanted me to sleep in the same bed with him for the duration of my stay and all we did was sleep. Seriously, we slept.

The funny thing was that in my head it was so much better than the reality of the situation. Once I got there everything was in HD and I could see with clarity that I didn't really even like the guy, let alone want to sleep with him again. It was a much needed visit so I could get a grasp on what he was all about and the glorified idea that I had managed to create in my head. WOW, were they worlds apart.

That being said, two hours before he was going to take me to the airport he made a move on me and then took me into the bedroom. As I lay there on the bed I started to remember all the lousy, hurtful things he said to me and you know what? I couldn't do it. I remember lying on the bed and he was kissing me and he leaned over and whispered in my ear and said,” Do you think you can handle this?" Okay who says that? I remember pushing him off of me (I was fully clothed) and saying, "Ya know what, I don't think I can," and that was the end of that.

That being said, I know many women who continue to have sexual relations with their ex husbands. He is their booty call. The difference is that now everything is on her terms and not his. She is sitting in the control seat and calling all the shots where as before the men were cheating, lying, deceiving and the women just put up with it in the name of love.

In these particular circumstances, it was the woman who initiated the divorce and their men want them back. These women have tried the on-line dating thing, the "It's Just Lunch" dating thing, the blind date dating thing, the bar dating scene to no avail and then they get an epiphany.......he was a jerk but he was good in bed and I am starving for some love and affection.

I guess what stands out in my mind is that their is still a connection within these relationships, it wasn't the sex that went awry, it was the communication or something else. I personally couldn't do it. Once I found out my husband cheated on me that was it. I was afraid to catch a disease, and he hurt me so deep that the thought of being vulnerable and opening myself up to him was just something I couldn't do.

We all have to get our needs met and in my opinion, if you and your ex still have a thing for each other and you are able to enjoy a sexual connection than so be it. However, if you are just allowing him to use you in the hopes that you may get back together then I would be very careful, protect yourself because he isn't thinking about you. You are going to get hurt once he ends the sex with you and finds someone else. There is no easy answer and at the end of the day you have to ask yourself the question "Is this okay with me?" Only you can answer that question.

Gabe Says: Having a relationship with an ex can be difficult, and having sex with an ex further complicates the situation. Is it okay? Of course it’s fine, but expect consequences. I’ve only done this once, no wait… twice. The first time was after a long and serious relationship. At the end of the relationship we were trying to do it long distance. She decided she wasn’t going to move where I lived and I wasn’t going to move to where she lived. We broke up. I saw her at a wedding a few months later and old habits mixed with a dash of lust and a generous flow of alcohol, we hooked-up. It was great and I don’t regret doing it. I was still in love with her, we just had different plans. After I returned home she rang me and reassessed our situation. She wanted to move to where I lived. I thought this was probably a bad idea because I didn’t want her to move because of me, only to realize she didn’t like it, and then resent me. She was sad. I was sad. It was depressing and it took me a while to get over her. But eventually I did.

The second time was much simpler. It was with a woman I’d only dated for about a month. After we broke-up we saw each other at a bar and though I didn’t think it a good idea, I was feeling frisky and knew she’d be willing, so we went back to my place and well… So this wasn’t a big deal and she new the score, we weren’t getting back together. Some how I feel she thought we would. We didn’t backslide. However, based on my last encounter with her a few days after we slept together, I’m pretty sure she hates me.

Overall it does complicate situations and wrenches the heart. I don’t regret the first time I slept with an ex because I really loved her and wouldn’t ever regret any expressions of that love. The second time I wished I’d been more sensitive and overcome my urges. As for everyone else, I guess it depends on your willingness to hurt and be hurt and your ability to forget and move on.

JC Says: Sex with an Ex?…that’s a good question. I have never done it. I do not keep former lovers in my life, so it would be hard to do. I am also not very good at keeping emotions out of sex; I think that would be necessary if you were sleeping with an ex.
If you are just looking for a “release” and can keep your emotions out of it, go for it. If you can’t, find a hobby or go to Early 2 Bed and buy a new friend. You aren’t with them anymore for a reason, maybe it should stay that way.

Travis Says: Thus far in my life, I have never been able to have sex with an ex. I don't think that will ever change, either. The reason is because sex is simply too emotional for me. Sex really is something special in my opinion, and I only want to have sex with someone that I am in love with, and who is in love with me.

All of my failed relationships have ended pretty well I suppose, and the opportunity to have sex with ex's has occurred multiple times, and every time I have rejected. I know that as soon as I put myself in that situation, all of the "loving" feelings toward that person would just come rushing back, rendering me irrational and turning me into an emotional wreck. Sex with ex's is a very good thing for many people, and I commend them (they're having sex with someone they know, rather than a stranger, after all)!

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i think it depends on the person. i say that because that can be a double-edged sword, because with most women, our emotions and sex are tied together, therefore when we have sex with someone its because we really care for that person and want more from it than just sex. so if u are a woman whose emotions get caught up in it, i wouldn't recommend it, because once u have sex with that ex, u start to think about trying to rekindle something that was burned out a long time ago. but sex with an ex can be okay if both parties agree that its simply that, sex, and there is an agreement that u two are not together and are free to see other people, that way neither of u can have hard feeling when u see that ur ex has another mate, because that emotional bond that u had as a "couple" was over when u split, ur just satisfying a physical need for the moment. Me personally, i probably would have sex with an ex for the simple fact that we were really close friends before the relationship, and we are close friends after the relationship, so if im gonna have sex with someone, why not have it with someone im good friends with, because that friendly love is still there so why not???

Comments

Shanay24 says:

i think it depends on the

Posted May 21st, 2008

the_jezzebelle says:

oh lets be real here...

Sex with the ex...there's so many things that are appealing about it. Imagine seductively walking in the room wearing next to nothing and overcoming his oversized ego with your fem-fetal body...and reducing him to nothing but a quivering sobbing little boy begging for more...but oops sorry he can't have anymore because you just wanted him for the purpose of sex - nothing more nothing less.

Ooh...a bit of bitterness crept through on that didn't it? Nonetheless, while the deliciousness of using sex as a weapon to destroy him has it's side effects...like inadvertently giving him a glimmer of hope that you're still interested... alternatively as the lovely Carrie said...it's just sex. That's it.

And that's all I have to say about that...

xoxo

jezz

Dolly Tatume says:

I did and

Posted May 26th, 2008

it just prolonged the hurt over the breakup.

Debra Waibel
Shattered Girlz
Dolly Tatume ( Taa-too-me )

n2zs says:

Sex with the ex? Never!

Posted May 28th, 2008

It makes you forget why it was that you wanted to leave in the first place.

Stephanie says:

Sure....if I wasn't

Posted May 30th, 2008

Sure....if I wasn't taken...I see no harm in leaning on an old fling for some part-time lovin'! lol! But, if I am with someone, it's definitely a no-go. If I were to cheat, that means I'm not into the sex I have currently. I would rather spice things up with the current boyfriend than cheat.

anjewoodruffe says:

Only when it was really good!

Posted June 20th, 2008

I have committed the sex with the ex crime many a time but the way i see it - why go shopping for something new when you know what fits already.

I met my first love(r) when i was 14 years old. We have always had an intense attraction and even in the decade we have fallen into carnal seduction more than once...and almost 17 years have passed by. It's still good.

The only reason to continue having sex with an ex is if its really that good and you're not emotionally attached anymore. It's a bad situation in truth but better the dick you know than the ones you don't...as soon as it gets bad you stop.

xoxo Anj.

AlphaWomen.com [beta]

Comments

i think it depends on the

oh lets be real here...

I did and

Sex with the ex? Never!

Sure....if I wasn't

Only when it was really good!

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