member for 30 weeks 4 days
My sex life is not the same..... I am married with a wonderful man for six years and have two kids. However I have notice that our once "passoniate sex" is now just a duty I must do to pretend we still have passion in our marriage. I hate to even think about my sex life during my time waiting for the elevator etc... I feel lost.
However, I do feel love and I enjoy our talks during the day and how he helps me so much with the kids. However the sex is so bad that it is becoming more and more difficult to reach my peak.... He is noticing something wrong in the bedroom. He ask me what is wrong but I can't tell him because i really don't know if its just me feeling this about our sex or its all in my mind. I guess like the old saying goes " a marriage has there ups and downs" I guess I am going through the down part. My biggest fear is for me just to accept and not expect GREAT sex with my husband.
Is there anyone out there that can bring some hope????
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Comments
Login or register to post a commentI can tell you that yes,
I can tell you that yes, there are a lot of women who are experiencing the SAME thing you are. There are no easy answers. I wish that there were. Give it some time and you will see other women commenting on your predicament as they find themselves in a similar situation.
My suggestion would be to try and forget about it temporarily. DON'T think about it at all. I have learned that our mind is so powerful that once we focus on something we become an expert at it. YOU don't want to be an expert on your problems.
Just let the big pink elephant in the room go for one week and focus on other things. Focus on how much you appreciate his company, help with the kids, what a wonderful father he his. Focus on your goals and what you want to accomplish in the next month or so and relieve your mind of this intense focus on your not so good sex life.
Whenever you catch yourself thinking about it, push it out of your mind and think of something else that is lovely and wonderful.
Try that for one week. You might be really surprised! Your experience is your reality. Change the thoughts and your reality may very well change as well. Stay focused on it and you will notice how quickly you spiral down hill.
Let me know how it works.
Tough Call
I hear this a lot from married women and I often struggle to understand it. I am single and 32 and I would take a caring helpful guy who's lagging in the bedroom ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. Do you have any idea what is out there???? But, I am not (and never have been) in your shoes, and can't begin to know how you feel.
I do know that (well, I've heard that) men are more open to hearing how to improve things than we realize. It sounds like your husband is opened to talk/listen to your needs. Whether your needs are emotional or "mechanical" I'd keep the lines of communication open. Even if you just tell him that you feel like you are in a funk, sexually.
I had some personal issues that affected my last sexual relationship and when I shared them with my guy he was so caring and understanding which made the physical stuff a gazillion times better. I am sure the situation is a tad different, but that's all I got!
I agree with Freda somewhat about putting a hold on how you've been feeling, only if you don't know what exactly is bothering you. Maybe wait it out. Maybe it's just a funk that will fade, or maybe time will reveal more clarification as to why you're feeling the way you do.
I'm still a fan of the open lines of communication though. Good Luck!
Maybe I can offer some hope?
I was in your situation once. In the beginning the sex was good not great. Then it got to be boring and I lost interest. After I left my EX and moved home I found someone. It lasted about six months but he showed me what great sex was. I was having a few problems of my own sexually speaking. Some have been resolved and one hasn't. I learned during those six months that sex is just one part of the pie. You gotta have the foreplay then the sex and then the cherry on top. Try going to www.ivillage.com they have some good hints on how to spice up your love life. Personally I would recommend that you purchase an adult toy. Nothing too wild if you've never had one before. A toy for a beginner is a good start. Maybe a vibrator it does help and it just might get to the point where you enjoy sex. If you can leave your kids with someone for the weekend maybe a weekend in a nice hotel with your husband will reignite the lost flame. Might I suggest getting a room with a jacuzzi tub. Oh and don't forget the toy if you do purchase one. The best thing is to let him use it one you. My marriage ended because I was alone in it but your marriage doesn't sound so hopeless. I think you need to rekindle a lost romance. Maybe mini vacations spent in a hotel room will get you back on the right track. Also pick up a copy of Cosmo some very interesting tips in there. Just remember that if your relaxed the rest will come. Maybe you need to change your bedroom update it make it more relaxing. Make it a place where you feel relaxed. Let me know if anything helps. But I sure hate seeing a good marriage go down just because of a lost desire.