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Maybe Tina Turner was right when she sang this song (depending on your interpretation!). Ironically, I have always been steadfast in the belief that a great sexual experience needed a strong emotional connection with my partner. But lately, dare I say, I don’t need the kisses and don’t want the hugs. I guess you can say I’ve become a little “cheap” LOL.
Why does sex always have to be so emotionally charged and validated? Is it so wrong to separate love and sex once in a while? I’m not encouraging a string of one-night stands (unless that’s your thing) or for women to cheat on their partners. But in my opinion, love makes things a lot more complicated. Sure, society plays a large part in our guilt over casual sex but why should men have all the fun!
Just think of how empowering it would feel to speak up and say, “I just want to get laid and go to sleep!” No explanation; no candles; and no awkward periods of uncomfortable silence afterwards…just sex. Am I the only woman who (occasionally) would like to say to her partner, “no foreplay or after-play needed…..I’ve got things to do!”
If you look up the definition of sex, the word love isn’t even mentioned. To me, love is an added bonus. So…with that in mind, I’ve got to go…I have a “favor” to return. LOL
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Login or register to post a commentGreat post.
Great post.
Lately I have been telling myself that I am going to do whatever the hell I want regardless of what others think, even in regards to sex. One night I went on a date with a guy I met at IKEA. He was very interesting. At the end of our date we ended up making out like high school kids in the back seat of my Hyundai. He wanted to have sex, and despite being as horny as a teenage boy at a strip club, I just didn't want to go through with it! It wasn't out of guilt either. I seriously didn't want to do it with someone I didn't really know or care about.
I don't know if this is true, but I read recently that when women have sex a hormone is released into the body called oxytocin. It is a hormone that makes you feel good, and helps build that "connection" between two people. The same article claimed that men don't release the chemical to the degree women do, explaining why they don't get emotionally connected the way women do. I don't know if I buy it completely, but it does make sense a little bit. In short the article said that even if women set out to "get laid" chances are a connection develops whether a woman intended that or not, especially if they sleep with a guy more than once.
With that said, I think women who want to get their groove things on, should! BUT I think women should think about the possibility that who you fall for might have more to do with chemical reactions brought upon by sexual interaction than you think, and that a chemical reaction can come about from event the most meaningless of booty calls. It's a risk I know I don't want to take!!!
I'm also guessing that if "love" makes things more complicated, I'd be questioning if it was really love. I think that in real love there certainly is room for "quickies!"
"I paint my own reality." -Frida Kahlo
What's love got to do with it
There's definately room for "quickies" in real love.
"Dress shabbily, they notice the dress. Dress impeccably, they notice the woman." - Coco Chanel
Really?!
The sad truth is that most women don't want to have sex with men who they don't love. I know I can't! Tell me that I am wrong...
Now, if I don't have sex for a very very long time, it could very well be a different story... It is hard to live without it.
what's love got to do with it
You're are not wrong. We all want to be loved when having sex.I hope I'm not coming off too cold hearted. I just hate to see the men have all the fun
"Dress shabbily, they notice the dress. Dress impeccably, they notice the woman." - Coco Chanel
Great discussion!
I love love, and I love sex. Sometimes the two don't have to mix, but--for me at least--it's always so much better when they do.
Before I met my husband (together 7 years now) I went on a 2 1/2 year dating spree. My ten-year old son had recently moved out to live with his father and for the very first time in my entire life I found myself living alone, with no one to answer to.
I took advantage of my time to explore myself--and the world at large--sexually. I discovered that I really, really liked sex (who knew?!) and pretty much figured that my course was clear: as much sex as possible before I die.
Simple enough, huh?
Then I met Scott and all the wild-child behavior came to a screeching halt. We had 'that connection'. And, as that connection became stronger, the sex became even better.
Love definitely has something to do with it in the long run!
Now it's okay for me to say "let's just get on with it", or remind him to NOT skip the foreplay if I'm needing it.
~feathermaye
"So shines a good deed in a weary world" ~William Shakespeare
If you enjoy my movie musings, be sure to check out my husband's at: http://www.helium.com/user/show/171209
The Long Run
YES "Love definately has something to do with it in the long run."
Thanks for the great repsonse!!!!
"Dress shabbily, they notice the dress. Dress impeccably, they notice the woman." - Coco Chanel
Love is definitely a
Love is definitely a necessary aspect for me, but sometimes boyfriend and I like to play around and pretend we're two total strangers that just want to get it on...and believe me, that creates sparks like no other! There is something undeniably sexy about not knowing the person you are having sex with, or not having too much of a deep emotional connection with them.
"Be the change you wish to see in the world." - Gandhi
http://greendreamsveva.blogspot.com/
http://thegreenhoneybee.com
Sex is always better with
Sex is always better with somone you love, but till you find it I think its ok to settle for good sex without that as long as the guy is good and takes care of your needs too-in bed i meant
Am I just old?
I can't decide if I'm old, loose or need to relocate to a street corner. Now wait....
After enduring a 15 yrs relationship, I have 2 children and thats probably how many times we had sex in those 15 years. Save your hankys. I actually learned a great deal. I figured out that I have enough religion to be monogamous only. I found out that I have way too much imagination. I found out that denial is not necessarily a river in Egypt. I figured out it was okay to tell my S/O what I wanted and didn't, what I like and don't. And I found out that absolutely anything is possible as long as it falls within your comfort zone. With that stated...
I love sex. And I use it for a wide assortment of reasons. Too relieve stress and sexual frustrations, too eliminate back pain (it works, I promise), to get to sleep and of course to express my love for my S/O. I did the (bad word) buddy for a bit. And though it was relieving for the physical needs, it left me totally lacking for 'human contact' for lack of a better word.
I have read the article spoken of earlier (I think that chemical connection was made years ago) and I firmly in the that connection. Why else would I fall so hard so fast?
I don't think its wrong to wanna 'be like the guys' in the sex department. It's all about personal choice. As long as no one is getting hurt, no one is doing something they don't want too, and nothing is illegal, its all good.
(shoulder shrug) Color we weird if you want. Life is too short to be miserable. Grab it by the horns and hang on.
take care and be well,
s
Skip the Appetizer!
I have been accused by my pseudo-celebrity boyfriend of treating him like a piece of meat when he comes off tour. I had to explain to him that women have significantly more hormonal issues than men do and when he has been gone for 3 weeks at a time and I see him - after Hello, I'm like "Can we just get naked so you can f- this out of me so that when I ask you how you're doing I can actually listen to the answer?".
It sounds a little mean but when that lust builds up (and that week before your period comes around) and you need some lovin - its not the love you want. You want to rip it off, flip around, moan, groan , get choked- what the hell ever you need to do and then, lay back and smile. Then I can say "I missed you" And it has a whole other meaning....then the lovey dovey can come back.
It doesn't mean you don't love him. It just means you want the lovin first. Sometimes you just have to skip the appetizer and get right to the main course.
xoxo Anj.
Skip the appetizer and get
Skip the appetizer and get right to the main course...great analogy!!!!
That's what I'm talking about
"Dress shabbily, they notice the dress. Dress impeccably, they notice the woman." - Coco Chanel
Totally agree!!
If you've seen my profile, you probably know that I am doing a research study on a similar subject (hooking up). A researcher is never really separate from their research subject, so I've done alot of thinking about where I am when it comes to sex and love, and as I talk to more and more women across the age span, with different life and (sex) experiences, I am constantly thinking about how I am defining love, sex and intimacy as well as how other women define the three.
As a (late) thirty something I go back and forth between the way I was taught, or socialized, around sex growing up: no sex until you're married, and only do it with someone you love and if you sleep around you are behaving like a whore. Sad, but true. Contrast this to how empowered I feel about sex now as a (happily) divorced soon to be 40 year old woman, who spent over a decade in a virtually sexless marriage.
There's no question that sex is great when there's an emotional attraction, and even better when there's emotional and physical "chemistry". But sometimes, sex, without all the emotional strings, and complications, is all one might need at a given moment. Other times, you might need more.
I think the important thing to recognize here is that we are all constantly changing and evolving and growing, and just because a girl might just want sex, and sex alone, at a given moment in time, doesn't make her a bad apple, despite societal messages to the contrary.
I completely agree with
I completely agree with you!!!
"I think the important thing to recognize here is that we are all constantly changing and evolving and growing, and just because a girl might just want sex, and sex alone, at a given moment in time, doesn't make her a bad apple, despite societal messages to the contrary."
"Dress shabbily, they notice the dress. Dress impeccably, they notice the woman." - Coco Chanel
A subject after my own heart!
And you are SO right on the money! "...There's no question that sex is great when there's an emotional attraction, and even better when there's emotional and physical "chemistry". But sometimes, sex, without all the emotional strings, and complications, is all one might need at a given moment. Other times, you might need more..."
I don't want every sexual encounter to be emotionless and with connection -- although that works sometimes. Often I want a sensual, erotic, breath-taking experience that is made better with an emotional bond.
I believe the 'evolution' is women are recognizing the difference and learning to appreciate the choices we have.
lvshudiva
"There is no strong performance without a little fanaticism in the performer." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Sometimes it's just nice to
Sometimes it's just nice to give your emotions a chance to "rest."
P.S. Has anyone ever mentioned that you look like-Tyra Banks?
"Dress shabbily, they notice the dress. Dress impeccably, they notice the woman." - Coco Chanel
So true!
Thanks 1vida! Yeah, I've been told a couple of times I resemble Tyra. But I mostly get that I look exactly like Vivica A. Fox (actress) with the ocassional Whitney Houston.
All and in all, I guess I missed my calling
lvshudiva
"There is no strong performance without a little fanaticism in the performer." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
You welcome "Dress shabbily,
You welcome
"Dress shabbily, they notice the dress. Dress impeccably, they notice the woman." - Coco Chanel
i believe in this too
although like you said not like one night stand but there at times when i just feel like telling my guy let skip the whole going out to dinner, movies, lovey-dovey kisses and lets just have sex so that we can just get that over with.
and also
why is it that guy is cool and he's called a pimp because he has sex with any girl and alot of them but when a girl just wants to get laid she's a whore or a slut.
not that im like that but thats just messed up
-Jessica Trev
Hey...welcome to the site
Hey...welcome to the site and thanks for responding to my post
It's up to us to let them label us a whore or a slut. As long as we know who we are...who cares about how other's percieve us.
"Fashion is not something that exist in dresses only. Fashion is in the sky, in the street, fashion has to do with ideas, the way we live, what is happening."
-Coco Chanel