What's in a Number? How Many Partners Have You Had?

What is in a number? Do you tell the truth? Do you know how many partners you have slept with? If asked by your partner/significant other did you tell the truth or did you lie? How many partners is too many? Did you ask? Ah, the numbers game. This week, we set out to answer some of these very questions. Take our poll and tell us what you think! Are you truthful about how many partners you have slept with? http://alphawomen.com/poll

Freda Says: This is a tricky question. What exactly is in a number and what do you do about it once you know that number? Do you tell? Do you ask? Do you really want to know your S/O's number? I say yes, yes, and YES! At 36 years old, I have lived a full life; I hardly consider myself a slut and won't divulge the sexual trysts I have had here: that is personal. I will say that I know exactly who I have slept with and how many times I slept with each of them because they were very short-lived. Many times, we think we really like someone, only to be blinded by our hormones, and then after we have sex with them we come to the devastating realization (and in many cases it is a moment) that it was ALL WRONG! Bad, bad, bad idea. That sums up my few sexual experiences.

I don't care about the number as it pertains to everyone else, but I care about the number as it pertains to me and my health. One of my friends was dating a guy who had slept with over 100 women by the time he was 27. You would think that he was a player but that wasn't the case at all. He was the best guy in the world and was just going through a phase. I have heard many, many men say this and many of them are often embarrassed by their own number. As long as they are clean and aren't passing anything on to me...yesterday is yesterday and today is a new day. Leave yesterday behind and live for this day forward.

As a very curious person, I naturally want to know about the lives of whomever I date, and at my age with that history comes the ex-girlfriend stories, the one-night stands, the travel "oops"s, and so on and so forth. It is apart of life; you can't change it, you can't make it go away, and pretending that it doesn't exist is, well...silly. All of that past is what has made the person who they are, the good and the bad, and those experiences have shaped them. I want to know. That is just me, though. I am transparent and don't really hide much of anything so I talk about the good, the bad and the ugly in my life. It is a part of me and I can't change that. Either you except it or you don't. I wouldn't want to be with someone who couldn't handle it. I wouldn't want to hide who I am and where I have been.

Travis Says: I'm not one to judge people based on how many sexual partners they've had. However, I don't think I could see myself building a healthy romantic relationship with someone who has had many partners. Maybe it's because I was raised Catholic, or maybe I'm just old fashioned, but I think that sex is something special, and it is an emotional and physical situation that should be reserved only for one special person in your life.

I think that too often people assume that sex is something that is a "requirement" for people who are dating/seeing each other. Also, casual sex is taken too lightly most often. I feel as if this takes the allure out of sex, and makes it more of a mechanical, animalistic action, which negates the amazing experiences of having sex with someone you truly love.

I've dated plenty of men, and I have NOT had a sexual relationship with all of them. Why? Because I just didn't feel as if I knew them well enough to take that step, or because I didn't feel as if we had connected chemically or psychologically enough to become physical with one another.

I think that reserving sex for someone whom you're really "in" to makes the act of sex more pleasurable and spiritual than anything that can occur from a one night stand, or a casual sexual encounter.

JC Says: What’s in a number? Some would say everything; I say very little. I know the number of men I have slept with because that number is in the single digits, it is easy to remember. It is not because of religious or moral reasons that the number is small. It is difficult for me to separate sex and emotions, so I don’t have sex with a man unless I am involved with him on an emotional level. Otherwise, I would probably have to sit down and make a mental checklist, counting the faces as they came to mind.

If I thought a man I was involved with had been with a lot of women, I would probably ask him if he practiced safe sex before I would inquire as to a specific number. I don’t need to know numbers. That being said, at 40 years old, I would consider more than 20 partners to be a lot. Maybe I feel this way because I am not the type of person who has sex casually. Therefore, I probably wouldn’t be attracted to a man who did.

Gabe Says: This will be short; I have a very simple and direct view on “the number.” The number of people a person has slept with is between them and the people they’ve slept with, which means that it’s probably not that private. For me it doesn’t matter how many partners women I date have had, as long as they are loyal to me while they’re with me. If a woman I date wants to tell me her number that is fine. If she asks me and really wants to know my number, I’ll tell her. Yet I will not ask. If I find out inadvertently, that’s fine, like I stated above, it is not important to me.

Straight Talk:
Anal Sex. Yes or No?
My Partner Wants Me To Watch Porn!
What Do YOu Fantasize About While Masturbating?
What's Your Number? How Many Partners Have You Had?
Saying "NO" To Sex Without Rejecting Your Partner.
How Much Masturbation Is Healthy?
My S/O Has Been Begging Me To Have Phone Sex With Him. I'm Not Sure I Can Do This!
My Partner Wants To Video Tape Us Having Sex.
My S/O is very intrigued about swinging or having a fling with another couple.
What Do You Fantasize About While Masturbating?
When Do You Ask For A Blood Test?
Should A Woman Be The First To Say "I Love You"?
Texting, Emailing, Dating - What Do These Three Things Have in Common?
I'm Not Attracted To My Partner But He Pays The Bills. Is This Fair?
Would You Trim That Bush Already?
Waxing- Part 2 - Ingrown Hairs
Hairy Bank
My Nazi Waxologist
Waxed Bare!
Are Women More Monogamous Then Men?
Business Woman's Facelift
Not Now Dear! I Have A Headache.
Would You Sleep With Your Boss To Climb The Corporate Ladder?
I Think My Partner Is Holding Me Back!
Sex With Your Ex?
Is It Okay To Remain Friends With Your Ex?
Starting Over After The Loss Of A Loved One.
Picking Up The Tab. Who Pays?
Taking Sex To The Green Level
Settle Or Wait?
Internet Relationships. Is It Cheating?
Why Do Men Like Eliot Spitzer Pay For Sex?
What Is Cheating?
When Is A Relationship Too Much Work?
How Do You Let Go?
Can You Tell When A Relationship Is Over?
Can You Gauge the Health of Your Relationship By the Frequency of Your Sex?
Younger Women Dating Older Men - Right or Wrong?

Straight Talk Videos:
Freda & Katherine on Being Single, Dating, and Relationships - Part 1
Freda & Katherine - on Men, Dating and Relationships - Part 2
Freda & Katherine on Dating - Part 3
Freda & Katherine on Dating & Relationships - Part 4
Sex Talk: Condoms and Lubricants
Sex Talk: Lotions, Toys and Games!
Sex Talk: Vibrators - Part I
Sex Talk: Luxury Vibrators - Part 2
Sex Talk: Dildos - Part 3

For Your Man:
Multiple Orgasms For Your Man - Part 1
Multiple Orgasms For Your Man - Part 2
Oral Sex For His Pleasure

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I strongly believe that every sexual encounter says and/or means something, even those that are "casual" or "with no strings attached." If a person has a TON of casual sexual experiences that tells me that on a number of levels that person and I may view sex very differently. I can count on one hand how many partners I've had, and my choice to be a little conservative with the hootchie cootchie is based on my desire for sex that means something more than gratifying urges (which I admittedly have A LOT of!) Plus, I don't want to simply be a hole for the consumption of horny men who don't give a shit about me, no matter how much I desire to "get mine." The liberation of feminine sexuality does not equate abandonment of self control, self respect and wise decision making.

I do want to find out how many partners my SO has had because I do believe it reveals a lot about a person ie: how much emotional baggage they carry, what their views are on sex and dating, and the potential they have in carrying/spreading disease. I openly share general information about my past to SO's but I don't share (or want to know) too many specifics. Mainly, I want to know how many partners a person has had, their history of safe sex practices, if they were ever in love before/or had their heart broken, how they handled that, and what their views are of monogamy, faithfulness, and marriage. If a person can't be honest and open about those things then I don't stick around. I am not interested in names or what the exes looked like or any of that crap. I am more interested in the patterns people have, and the potential ways those patterns can affect me. We all have patterns.

Basically, I don't let people with bad driving records get into my drivers seat, if you know what I mean.

Comments

beautymark75 says:

I strongly believe that

Posted May 30th, 2008

Freda Mooncotch says:

Great response! Freda

Posted June 2nd, 2008

Great response!

Freda

BgRed07 says:

Not numbers but the stories.

Posted August 2nd, 2008

I'm getting married in 3 weeks, and even now it's not so much the number that bothers me.. its the story behind the numbers.

My fiance's first was his "first love" in HS thought they were in love dated for a short time did the deed. This doesn't bother me, everyone has a first.

When I met my fiance he was was dating my Best Friend. They were together almost 4 yrs before she cheated on him and I picked him up. I knew about their sex life, Jeez.. I was probablly in the other room on numerous occasions.

Those two girls, they don't bother me.

It's the other 7.

Not all of them where one night stands...
Just.. Most of them were..

How am I suppose to feel that sex is something intimate between the two of us, when its been something thats so casual for him?

The number does matter..
When I first found out the number I almost left. I was dreaming of him being with other woman. When we would be intimate I was seeing him touch other woman the way I was being touched.
That's not intimate.

He loves me. He's marrying me.
I love him and I choose to learn to let it go. Although it is not easy.

AlphaWomen.com [beta]

What's in a Number? How Many Partners Have You Had?

Comments

I strongly believe that

Great response! Freda

Not numbers but the stories.

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