This week the question is about Dating Older Men. "Is it okay for a woman in her early 20s to date a guy who is 51?"

This is a great question. After further investigation, I learned that there are many young females who hang out at various local, upscale restaurants looking for older men with money to shower upon them...and apparently have been very successful in their efforts. Hmmmm, I wonder why? Many of these men are up to three decades older then these young females, possibly married, and are from out of town. They fly these girls to extravagant places, buy them gifts and when they are in town, they look them up and hook up.

I would like to start out by addressing the first part of this question, "younger women dating older men." Personally, I wouldn't date anyone who is more than a decade older than me, and I am 35. I just have a hard time dealing with the age gap and anything more than ten years just seems to be to old for me.

That being said, I know many people who have married older men and are happy. My mother, for one, is eighteen years younger than my father. However, one thing that stands out the most is that, although there is a significant age gap between my parents, my dad is young in spirit and health. He runs circles around people twenty to thirty years younger than himself, so he can keep up with my mom; in fact, my mom keeps him young. I know of several other people who have successfully dated men twice their age.

On the flip side, I also know several relationships wherein the woman chose a substantially older man and now greatly regrets it. It is as if the men just "give up." Maybe it isn't the fact that they are older, but the fact that they quit living and loose their drive that makes the marriage or relationship fail. I would have to say that in the relationships that work, the man is generally successful and has a lot of ambition.

So, personally, I couldn't imagine why on God's green earth a 21- to 35-year-old woman would want to date a 50-year-old man. That is just not for me.

The second part of the question is altogether different. I was recently reading in The Wall Street Journal about a survey done by Prince & Associates, a Connecticut-based wealth-research firm, which stated that "the average 'price' that men and women demand to marry for money these days is $1.5 million."

The study goes on to state that out of the 1,134 people polled nationwide that "two thirds of the women and half of the men were 'very' or 'extremely' willing to marry for money. The answers varied by age: Women in their 30s were the most likely to say they would marry for money (74%) while men in their 20s were the least likely (41%)" (see Marrying for Love...of Money).The study is not only alarming, but I think is a good indication of why marriages don't last beyond two or three years after walking down the aisle these days.

Now back to the question, I personally don't think that there is anything wrong with what these girls are doing...uh hummm...if that is what they want out of their life. Maybe they are just having some "fun." I don't think they are going into these dinners hoping to come out with a marriage proposal. More importantly, I think we all know how shallow these relationships are, because when they strip these men down to their skivvies, take away their most alluring attributes--their money, the gifts, the elaborate vacations--and get down to the essence of these men...that will be enough to send these girls a-packing after the next bald-headed millionaire.

I can't imagine why on earth you would want to mess around with, let alone sleep with, someone three decades older than you are. There is no amount of money, or drugs for that matter, that would make me get involved with this type of shenanigans. In fact, every time I see some old guy with a young girl on his arm, I can't distinguish whether or not she is his daughter, his daughter’s friend or his sleepover mate. It just really eludes me!

Further, do you think you are the only one? If they are so eager to lavish you with these extravagant gifts and promises, do you not think that so many other women are as eager as you to offer themselves up as a "playmate?" Is your health a top priority of yours, let alone of these men? Has it occurred to you that they are also providing these lavish gifts to other females around the world? With the high spread of HPV, Herpes, and God only knows what...doesn't that scare you?

Here are the statistics on Herpes alone: Despite the apparent declines in HSV seroprevalence, the American Social Health Association
(ASHA) predict that since up to 90% of HSV infected people are unaware of their infection due to mild or misdiagnosed symptoms up to 40% of all men and 50% of all women could be infected with genital herpes by 2025.[2]

I leave you with this thought...instead of chasing millionaires, go out and create a life you are proud of, find purpose, make your own money and do something with your life. In the end, you will have something you can take credit for, be proud of, and call your own--and even leave a legacy. What are you going to have at the end of each of these dead-end relationships? I would venture to say you'll be broke with a venereal disease.

-Freda

I’m going to respond to this one strictly in terms of the age difference issue and leave money out of the equation. After all, I don’t think you can automatically assume that all younger women date older men strictly for monetary purposes. While there certainly may be some truth to that assumption, that is an entirely different issue altogether.

So, on to the issue of age difference: I really think it depends on the individual. In particular, I think it depends a lot on the younger person in the relationship—male or female—and where they are in their life. If they have a good sense of who they are and where they are going, I see absolutely no reason why they shouldn’t connect with someone who is older than them. After all, men apparently mature more slowly than women. So why shouldn’t a woman who is in her middle-to-late twenties and mature be able to search for someone who is on the same level?

Again, it comes down to the individual person. It comes down to chemistry, compatibility, respect and all those other words that those obnoxious ‘meet your mate’ books throw at you. Age, in the end, doesn’t really matter unless you make it matter. If it’s a big deal to you than it will always be a big deal within your relationship. So if you have any qualms about it, stick within your age range. If you don’t, then don’t let a number limit your decisions.

-Christine