This week we received yet another very interesting question: My s/o wants me to watch porn with him what do I do? I think this is a great topic seeing that pornography such a huge industry and it isn't solely focused at men anymore. Take our latest POLL:Do You Watch Porn?
Freda Says: The porn industry is a multi billion dollar industry and it ain't going away any time soon. In all honesty, I don't watch porn. The closet I have come to watching porn was the movie Original Sin with Angelina Jolie and Antonio Benderez. That was even difficult to sit through but it definitely got me excited to say the least. I have quite the imagination and I guess have my own little porn going on in my head. If I were going to watch porn, I would be the star and the guy I was with would be the stud. I think I would find that more interesting. Further, I would venture to say that I like a lot of foreplay, imagination and tons of flirting throughout the day to create a huge build up that I would actually prefer stories where I imagine the characters like a new site called www.AWomansGoodnight.com. This is a site where you can listen to very romantic stories, where men have deep, sexy voices and you have to really listen and imagine what is going on. It is really made for couples but geared to how women get stimulated.
I recently read Chapter 2 - Male Sexual Responses: A Protected Process in Ian Kerner's book He comes Next and it was a real eye opener to me. Many men really don't even like porn but they become addicted to it. Men even went as far to say that they felt like porn has "fucked up" their sex life and "cheapened sex with a woman." Their expectations are so high, they cum to quickly and they really don't know how to please a woman because porn puts the focus for men on the ORGASM and it ain't ours that he is shooting for, it is his. The focus becomes the destination rather then the journey. I found that very interesting to say the least.
So, the jury is still out on this one for me. It just doesn't really do a whole lot for me and I would rather make my own and watch that or talk dirty with my partner rather than watch other people doing it. I find that I don't get arroused, I actually feel dirty and I can't get the images out of my head. If your partner wants you and you haven't tried it, I would try it and see if it is something you can share with him. Look on the bright side, atleast he wants to share it with you instead of doing it behind your back. If you aren't comfortable with it and it isn't something you can live with, better to find out now then later because people don't "grow" out of things or necessarily change and if that is something that is very important to him there is going to be an immediate problem lurking in the bedroom.
Gabe Says: Pornography can be inspirational and educational for a couple if they’re both open to it. If one of the couple is inhibited, prudish, or just plain not into it, then there’s really no point in watching porn if it doesn’t benefit the sexual relationship in some way. And that’s okay as along as both understand each other’s needs.If one of the couple is really into it to the point that it’s necessary, but the other is vehemently against it, then there might be other issues in the relationship that probably need to be worked out. Most likely they need to communicate better.
If your significant other wants to watch porn, you might want to give it a try and be open about your concerns. Ask your partner questions about why s/he wants to watch it what their expectations are. I don’t mean quiz he or her, but keep the lines of communication open. I hope by this point in your relationship you have a better idea of who your partner is especially if it’s a serious relationship and your sleeping with him or her.
In the end I say try it. I won’t hurt.
J.C. Says: Get ready for the bombshell on this one…..I have never seen a pornographic movie. Yes, I know, I am probably one of the few people over the age of 25 who haven’t. I am not a prude by any means. I just never had an overwhelming desire to watch it. I have also never had an overwhelming desire to bungee jump, but if I did, I would. I know couples who find watching porn together to be very arousing. It helps then spice up their sex life. If you aren’t uncomfortable with it, give it a try, you never know what could happen.
So there you have it! Next week we venture into Anal Sex. Hmmmm
If you have a question you would like answered email info@alphawomen.com, we have the answer!
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Comments
Login or register to post a commentHmmm, I may be on the
Hmmm, I may be on the outside looking in with this one. I agree with everything Freda said about men's feelings toward porn and how it becomes addictive and disruptive to real relationships. I recently got out of a relationship with a man who was addicted to porn who ended up living out his fantasies with people he met online. I was so confused by it all that I began watching porn just to see what the draw was.
It never interested me all that much. I found a couple of sites that were free and homemade, but I found that SO much of it had subtle and sometimes blatant misogyny and it was very disheartening. It seemed like the stuff that wasn't misogynist enough had to be racist on top of it. It wasn't enjoyable to me. I mean sure, the mechanics of it were arousing, but the psychological effects had a greater impact and that was disturbing. Not liking women being called dirty whores, men ejaculating in their faces, and groups of men putting their penises in every oraface of one woman's body in my opinion does not make me a prude. I would never let a man push my head down onto his penis until I gagged. That's what I've seen in porn movies, and that's the kind of stuff I whole heartedly reject.
Throughout my porn research I found that there is different kinds of porn. There's the amateur kind with real people-I find I like this the best. Sometimes it is very endearing in its imperfection. Then there is the harder stuff where you can see all the nooks and crannies of peoples bodies, then the really hard stuff with group sex,threesomes, hour long blow jobs, and a whole lotta ball sucking. Then there is the fuck you up for life stuff, that will surely give you nightmares-I've never actually watched that stuff, but I heard about it. Anything goes. People piss on each other, have sex with animals, whatever. Oh, and fetish porn. People who get off by letting others beat them, wear costumes, dress like children, or having sex with people who have deformities. Fetish porn creeps me out for some reason. I just don't trust it. All in all, I think most porn sexualizes violence against women, and that will not ever be arousing to me. It certainly seems that porn caters to men in the most unhealthiest ways too. I found the greatest article on porn and I thought I bookmarked it but I can't find it. If I find it, I will forward it.
If your man wants you to watch porn I think you should experiment by watching it alone first. See if you like it without the pressure of him being there so you can really make your own decision about it. If you REALLY like it and want him to join you in watching it, I say do it. I would be alarmed if he expected it to be a regular thing though. I would also be alarmed if you expressed disinterest in it, and he continues to press you to watch it.
"I paint my own reality." -Frida Kahlo
Danielle,
Danielle,
Here is a great research paper that was done on the topic of Porn and the effects on women and children. I found it very fascinating to say the least. Would love to know what you think.
http://alphawomen.com/files/Koppelman%20SSRN-id976...
Great Post!
xoxo,
Freda
My boyfriend used to watch
My boyfriend used to watch porn and hated it. He said he didn't want to look at women "that way," as if they were cheap and superficial.
I don't like porn at all. I have tried it, and in truth it makes me a little queasy. That being said, I am all for Story Porn. Visualizing my own characters and voices is more sexually stimulating for me. Try Story Porn, see if you like that.
"Be the change you wish to see in the world." - Gandhi
http://greendreamsveva.blogspot.com/
http://thegreenhoneybee.com
Wait. What's story porn?
Wait. What's story porn? That's a new one on me...
- Jacqueline
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"Ce qui fait la nuit en nous peut laisser en nous les étoiles." ~ V. Hugo
It is where they have
It is where they have conversation and stories geared for women. It is really cool.They launch next week!! I am excited for Jana. Did you check out the website at all?