This week we had a very interesting question posed to us. If you were a guy, how would you ask a girl out in the 21st century? Would you text them, email them or pick up the phone and call them OR maybe even brave up the courage for a face to face? I don't know about you but I am curious to see this weeks responses to such an interesting topic.
I am recently divorced 38 year old woman. I have just started dating and have been out of the dating loop for 15 years but it feels like a century! WHAT HAPPENED? All the men that ask me out do so by text messaging and email? What does this mean? How do I deal with it? Is this normal? Am I just old fashioned? I am used to a man calling me and asking me out? I am so confused! ~Jas
Freda Says: I think this is CRAZY! Call me old fashioned, call me dateless, call me whatever you want to call me but I am sorry if you don't have the balls to CALL me and ask me out.........it ain't happening. I can't imagine getting an email from the guy who is supposed to convince me he is 'strong enough to be my man,' yet he texts me or emails me? I don't get it. I want a man who knows what he wants and if he can't muster up the gumption to walk up to me and look me in the eyes and say, "Hey, baby me, you, dinner for two?" I guess I would rather go on a walk, go hiking, dye my hair, work late, watch CSI, then to go out. Hang in there! Like my dad has always said, "Freda, when a man sets his eyes on you and wants you.......there ain't nothing getting in his way." Enough said.
Tom Says: Well, you have lots of adjusting to do. Since you are having to adjust to all sorts of things being divorced, I see no reason why you should not hold onto your “old fashioned” approach to dating at least while you acclimate. Text messaging and e-mail seem to be the preferred method of communication for just about everything these days so I would not read into too much. However, the prospect of rejection over the phone or in person may also have something to do with it. After all, it is impossible to ignore a straightforward “no” but I could rationalize not getting a response to an e-mail as something less than a rejection (no, I do not request dates via e-mail or text messaging though). Anyway, stick to your guns on how you get asked out… next time you get a text or e-mail from a guy you want to go out with respond by saying you would like him to call to ask. That will be a great way to gauge how much the guy really wants a date.
Searah Says: Yeah.. I think the dating scene has changed a bit in the past 15 years, for sure. I would not be insulted if men are asking you out via text or email. Sadly, that is completely normals these days... at least I think it is. I would not call you old fashioned and there is nothing wrong with preferring a phone call, but electronic communication is so the norm these days.
You can either go with the flow and text/email back or if you really want a phone call, let them know your phone number and say something like "I would love to make a date. Here is my phone number. Call me and we can set something up". If a guy doesn't get the hint that you want a phone call.. maybe he isn't the kind of guy you are looking for.
Searah is a sex educator and owner of Early2Bed. All members of AlphaWomen.com get 10% off of their online purchases when they type in ALPHA in the coupon code area when checking out! Stop by http://www.early2bed.com/ today!
Dr. Diana Kirschner Says: Online dating has changed the way singles meet and communicate early on. Now it is in writing and via email plus texting. Don't miss out--if a good guy asks you out this way, go for it!
Psychologist, Dr. Diana Kirschner, appeared on Oprah & is a frequent guest on the Today Show. For 25+ years she has helped thousands of single women find love and success. Her new book is Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love. For her etips, blog, dating articles, daily affirmations & discussion forum visit www.lovein90days.com
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Comments
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Assuming I've met the man and spent any time with him in person, I don't mind him asking me via email/text on a date. But it can't be our first interaction.
He will definitely need to call me after the date though.
If I am busy, I really don't want to be on the phone longer than I have to with a prospect. Text/Email takes two minutes and life goes on.
It's also a more subtle less offensive way to get a let down..somehow they won't be as offended reading "no" opposed to hearing it.
Men have feelings too although I can't say I always care about them
xoxo Anje
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best"
Marilyn Monroe
At 45 yrs old, I think its
At 45 yrs old, I think its pretty cool to text with a man back and forth. Many times you can see how quick they are at thinking(check their IQ) and then see how humorous they can be. Many of my single friends can find out things about a man by texting back and forth and then let them know if they want to date. I guess what I'm saying is you can use it as a "filter."
later-
Wonderful insight and
Wonderful insight and feedback! Thanks for joining and sharing your ideas!
Great Post!
XOXO,
Freda
Founder
www.AlphaWomen.com
"Those Who Say It Can't Be Done Need To Get Out Of The Way Of Those Who Are Doing It!"
Useful at times!
Have you ever made a date with someone you think you're going to like but don't know all that well? Or have first date jitters and worry that you'll run out of conversation? Me too - actually pretty much all the time! I can talk all day and all night, apart from those times I feel under pressure to be witty and fun. That's why I actually prefer to make a date by text message - I don't want to waste all my best material over the phone! Now obviously if I feel that way there must be something wrong with me or the people I date (trust me, I've come to that conclusion many times myself), but just the security of knowing that I haven't used up my 'tell me about yourself' quota on the phone (or email) makes me feel a bit calmer about the first date. Plus you've gotta love the ease of it all!
Dating in the 21st Century
Since I have spent the last 7+ years in a relationship, I have really only observed this texting phenomenon by observation. I think you have to put it into perspective. If you meet this person online and you have really only communicated via email, then it would be a natural progression to be asked out via email. If you meet someone in the real day-to-day world and you give them your phone number and they text you to ask you out, then that is a different story in my opinion. I personally think it's a weak approach.
I get the fact that a text is quick and easy but the reality is that relationships aren't quick and easy. So I think it's nice if someone puts some thought into their communication.
If in fact, you are going to run out of things to talk about if you have a conversation first, then the relationship had no hope to begin with in my estimation.
Texting
Interesting thing about text. It is so easy, and lowers that barrier of being nervous about talking. I suggest men never ask women out over text and try to be a man and call. However I let them off the hook if they have called and only get texts back. Some women I know never answer the phone anymore, texting is her to stay.
The fun thing about text is that men see it as easier too. Try texting a guy your interested in and starting up a conversation. Asking a guy out over text is a lot easier and is a lot less pressure on him than the role reversing situation a phone call or an in-person proposition is.