Last week's poll "Would You Stay In A Relationship With Someone You Aren't Attracted To Because They Pay The Bills?" had results that showed how independent women are! The majority of the voters (65%) said they had no use for a "sugar daddy" and support themselves just fine! Some women tried going the route of money over attraction (17%) but would not do it again. Surprisingly, there were about 13% of voters who said they'd consider staying in a relationship with someone they weren't attracted to if the economy kept getting worse....and 4% are already in this type of relationship. Is this desperate or sensible? There isn't really a "correct" answer!
In this week's Straight Talk we are sharing our views on using sex to climb the corporate ladder. Take our latest poll: "Would You Sleep With Your Boss If It Helped You Climb The Corporate Ladder Faster?"
I've been having a strictly sexual affair with my boss for the past year. I want to get ahead in my job and I thought this was going to be the way to do it. I haven't yet moved out of my position and lately he's been uninterested in me. What should I do? - Loose Linda
BEAUTYMARK SAYS: If I were your mother, sister, or best friend I would pull you aside with loving intentions and say, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU???? Then I would shake you vigorously and knock you upside the head in the hopes of knocking some sense into you. But considering I am a stranger and I don't know your whole situation I will try my best to be objective and helpful.
First, sleeping with the boss is not only the best way to NOT get you the job, it puts you in a position to destroy your professional reputation and cause you to NEVER get ahead (It's a smaller 'boy's club' business world than you think!). Not only that, you are participating in a human resources nightmare! In some states it is automatic sexual harassment for a boss to sleep with subordinate even if it is consensual. If you were expecting a promotion or if he promised you a promotion-even implied it, whether he follow through after he got all he wanted from you or not, it would still make you a victim of "quid pro quo" sexual harassment (Quid pro quo is Latin for "something for something"-you give him sex, he gives (or promises) you a promotion.) It is against the law. The fact that your boss is engaging in this kind of behavior, considering that he probably knows what he is getting himself into (legally), tells me that he has not one iota of respect for you, and absolutely no intentions of ever giving you a promotion. I don't know if "victim" is the right word to attribute to you in this scenario either, considering that you went into the situation with the expectation that you'd get a promotion. It is alarming to me that you would do so, I must admit.
I mean, I am sure that there are some women that this tactic actually works for. I would bet that it is very VERY rare. I think it would be helpful for you to ask yourself why you think sex is what you should be using to get ahead? Do you think your skills/experience/etc is not good enough on its own merit to get a promotion? Maybe you have already sensed that your boss did not take you seriously (for whatever reason) and decided you'd try anything to get his attention. You may have succeeded in getting his physical attention, but your actions my not do anything for the business side of his "bottom line." I had a professor who pointed out that if women want to be taken seriously in the business world or any place where men dominate, they have to work twice hard and expect half the recognition and all for three quarters of the pay as their male counterparts. It is a tough world out there for women, no matter what field you are in. I fear that you are now learning the hard way that your plan is not going to work-but maybe it will be a good wake up call to you that would lead you to focus more of your efforts on polishing your skills to get ahead.
If you really want to play dirty though, you could probably sue your boss and own the company if you wanted to go that route. Hell start milling around the water cooler and see if others have "known" your boss-in a 'biblical' way and make it a class action suit...I bet a million dollars, if there are other women in your company, he's getting around.
If you are under 30, you are learning a tough lesson about the business world and you are young enough to learn from the decisions you've made in this scenario, and young enough to develop the skills needed to advance in your field without sex. If you are over 30, girl it's time for you to get it together!!! You deserve to be respected as a woman, as a professional, and as a person! You have it in you to succeed in a way that brings honor and respect to who you are-I truly believe that.
SEARAH SAYS: Are we really still dealing with this in 2008?! Women, when will we realize that sleeping with the boss is no way to further our careers? In fact, when you do it, you not only risk your job and mental health, you hurt us all. If women keep sleeping with superiors to try and get ahead, instead of relying on hard work, we will never been taken seriously in the workplace. Yes, sexism is alive and well and for many women advancing at work is harder than it can be for the menfolk out there. But by reinforcing the idea that women have little to offer but what is between our legs, we keep all women in second-class status. If you slept with your boss to get ahead and it hasn't worked you have two choices: suck it up and work your ass off to prove yourself or start looking for a new job where you can move up the ladder the right way.
Searah is a sex educator and owner of Early2Bed. All members of AlphaWomen.com get 10% off of their online purchases when they type in ALPHA in the coupon code area when checking out! Stop by http://www.early2bed.com/ today!
ANJE SAYS: Start exploring options on www.monster.com. You're never gonna get promoted and more than likely, you'll be fired. You're probably not the only piece of ass he's tapping at the office and the reason he's uninterested 'lately' is probably because there's some fresh meat in the cubicle next to you, who wants to get promoted as well. Find another job before you lose any dignity and professional credibility. No one wants to be remembered as the person who got fired for screwing the boss.
Next week we will discuss a question about plastic surgery. Is it becoming so mainstream that it's a common as getting a haircut?
If you have a question you would like answered, please email info@alphawomen.com or you can send your question anonymously to: Straight Talk . We have the answer!
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Comments
Login or register to post a commentNever a good idea
Sleeping with the boss not only destroys your self respect, but it diminishes you as the intelligent, capable professional you are. You will gain more respect from your confidence and your knowledge, experience, and ability to do the job. Not only that, you put yourself at risk for losing your job.
Career Suicide
First of all the thought of sleeping with someone I'm not attracted to repulses me. Second, thinking that the only way I could get ahead is by having sex with my boss is totally demeaning and shows a lack of self worth and third, women that sleep with their bosses often times do not get the job they want and they are compeletely alienated by those around them. Regardless of what you think...everyone DOES know what you're doing and eventually you will be ostracized.
Stay away, it's career suicide.
I have been so busy with my
I have been so busy with my business that I haven't been able to visit the site. Wow you gals are a smart sisterhood for any woman who wants to get ahead in this crazy mixed up world. I couldn't have said it any better than you all have. I would send my daughters to this site with those perplexing questions that they don't want to share with mom. I know they would receive really good support. Keep up the great community.
sleeping with your boss
I would not, You will not get very far. I want to climb with honor and respect. I want to work to the best of my ability to get to where I want to be.
Sleeping to get ahead
If you believe in your abilities and work ethics you should be able to climb the ladder without having sex with your boss. Believe in yourself, I’m all about having great sex, it’s better to have sex with someone you are sexually attracted too. If you’re boss is attractive and you are attracted then step back and evaluate you’re job. Sleeping with the boss can lead to disaster.
Shes Pretty
Just hold his attention long enough to learn his business
Don't sleep with him, but let him think you might someday. Use his attention to find out everything you can about the business, then quit and become a competitor with your own shop. Forget the ladder. Build your own.
Oh, the cliches...
Hmm... while I'm all for sexual freedom, from a logical standpoint, this sort of thing will almost never end well. If you were sleeping with him just for fun, I would say go ahead and enjoy, though there will be akwardness when it ends (which it will) and you may need to find a new job. However, as a tool to move up the ladder, there are more efficient (and successful) ways to go about it, that don't put you at risk for humiliation, pregnancy, STD's, blows to your reputation, or danger to your job security. My advice is to start planning for a new job, and do whatever you need to (extra training, advanced designations, etc.) to make yourself as employable as possible. Since he seems to be losing interest, things are about to go downhill, and you need to have a plan B (and C) to recoup your dignity. You're a grown woman though, so if you're having fun playing around, that's your right. Just don't continue to mix business and pleasure, as they say... Best of luck!
Don't even think about it
It is a never a good idea. you don't have to climb on top to get to the top. you need to have more respect for your self as an individual to make it on your own. Trust me you would feel better about your self in the long run.